Slacker Prophet

new video

2011-03-28T18:55:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1uLteL2xZI

A mixture of people I have met

2011-01-05T12:15:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svd-aeVpFAk

Just a sound....

2010-11-06T07:29:00.001-07:00

I got back from India in April of 2007 after spending time at an ashram in the presence of a guru and quite a few spiritual seekers from all over the world. There I started channeling a sound. Just a sound and I first start channeling it when I was doing a healing session with a singer in the Lower east side. I was a bit hesitant about making the sound during the healing session out of fear that it would distract her from her healing and she would consider it to be an awful sound that would be grating on her ears. Up until that point I had never really been a good singer in any traditional sense of the word and had been told by a few people that I was perhaps tone def or didn't sing the tone right and I sang too much from my throat etc... all the things that you could do wrong. But this sound was raw and pure and I let it fly and she described it as a heavenly sound. Being that she sang for a living I took this as a good sign. I then proceeded to make this sound quite frequently sometimes to avert or break up altercations be they physical or verbal. I have also used it to quickly silence a room of any type. Some people seem to respond strongly to this sound while others seem almost not to hear or notice it at all. Other people feel that it is impossible that this sound could come from a human being and that I must have some sort of device on my person.

Even though I often attributed this sound channeling from spending time in an ashram in India in 2007 the first time I made the sound was on Duval street in Key West Florida with a young man I had met who had just gotten out of Jail for some sort of trespassing. Basically he was in jail because he was poor and stayed in some house where there was nobody residing. As he joined me in making this sound I noticed that it had a powerful reaction on the people we were walking by, it was like the equilvalent of some sort of dog whistle. This day was some type of harmonic convergence of planetary alignment. I am not that intellectually knowledgable of planetary alignments, I just know it was November of 2003 and I did not make the sound again consistently until getting back from India in 2007. In fact other than that one night I believe there to have been a four year lay over between the first time and the 2nd time. Details are sometimes hazy, but this is as accurate as I can recall it to be.

I have nicknamed this sound the supersonic love boom which sounds like some sort of Tibetan bowl or to some the sound made for the emergency broadcasting system or some sort of feedback sound. People have stood next to me while I was making it and still not believed that it came thru me. And some moments I would go to make the sound and nothing would come out it was as if there was not the space for the sound to come forth. I have found friends new and old just by making this sound. I make other sounds but this one particular sound has an intensity and ability to piercingly cut through any other sounds. My theory is that it is a sound that exists at a celluar level in the body and certain people have a strong sensitivity to this frequency. I have seen people on a few occasions begin to cry or even sob uncontrolablely for reasons neither they nor I could explain. It is something that I have become used to. So on some level I don't find it weird or strange in anyway for me to make it, it is a normal occurrence. But I was inspired to write this because when I was at Rainbow today this girl behind me in line started telling me how tall I was. She seemed quite drawn to me and as I am not being one for small talk I instinctively made the sound and held it for about 20-30 seconds without wavering. She was intensely shaken and walked by me as I sat eating my bag of Uncle Eddie's cookies. I felt that she would sit down next to me, but she kept walking despite being shaken by the experience, but she did quickly come back and ask if she could sit with me and then offered me coconut water (0ne of my favorite drinks). She talked to me about what was going on in her life and afterwards told me she felt much calmer. I know this on some level is nothing short of remarkable or at least highly strange, but for me it is a completely normal occurrence that I felt compelled to share with whoever happens to read this blog. And to a skeptic or cynic it is just a sound.... and on some level of course they are completely correct about their assessment, but it is a sound I love to make and afterwards there is a deafening silence that reigns which I enjoy more deeply then the sound itself.

(written 6 months ago) Can You leave your heart in SF ?

2010-10-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

Ultimately our heart is inside of us and it goes wherever we go, but I still love that song about leaving your heart in San Francisco. I bet a lot of people feel that way about the city or somebody they left behind. Or maybe somebody that was pulled away from them because it wasn't quite the right time. How much time it will be remains unknown, but nomads have a tendency to keep moving until they don't move. I am not against being in one place and having more of a traditional job, even then I will be doing my spiritual work. Yet there is some wandering left to do, but perhaps a home base will form soon enough. I am forever pursing my intuition/inner voice as best as I can, I feel my calling and I must follow it and when I am not in alignment with it I feel a sense of anguish or frustration. One of the great lessons I have had is to continue deepening my acceptance for things that I can not change. I find that there is an unseen hand guiding me and it will initially push me very gently and if I don't abide by it then it will get much firmer in order to push me to be more in alignment with my life's purpose. We are all travelers even when we stay put in one place there is great opportunity to wander through the cosmos as we find a greater depth to our meditation which intensifies and enhances the texture of all that we experience. We remain deeply present for this experience we call life and we are deeply dedicated to the upliftment of ourselves and of those around us. Sometimes it brings us back to places that we have been before to see people that we have seen before as both of us are at a different point of transition. Life is perpetual transition or the bardo as the Tibetans would call it. We have an opportunity to take a leap into a new realm beyond form into the formless. We find ourselves drawn to certain people because they are reflections of us both good and bad and neither good or bad. They are just merely an aspect of divinity/consciousness and our time on the planet gives us an opportunity to purify ourselves and deepen our awareness beyond form and thought. We all must go beyond form and thought. Certain places and people, due to our karma, act as an external force a pressure that turns the coal within us into the diamond that we truly are and have always been, yet our lack of sight has obstructed us from seeing this deeper truth. Seeking truth internally more and more yet most of us need experiences in the world so that we are pushed to be drawn closer to God.

Just a Dream of Mine

2010-08-21T23:06:00.001-07:00

I dream of bright colors beyond what I have seen on this realm and a dream of an understanding that goes beyond words and never gets misconstrued. I dream of direct honesty and willingness to sacrifice for the greater good for humanity as the only way to live. I dream of people from all walks of life coming together to find their common bond and realize that what is common is truly fantastic. I dream of multi-colored water falls. I dream that everybody ends up with the soul that will most help them to evolve. I dream of creative expression coming from all souls at any moment without a moments hesitation. I dream of blazing blueish white flame that removes the hurts that have been buried deep in the mind. The hurts that keep people bound to things, habits, and other people that no longer serve them. I dream of an even mindedness approach to all that I encounter.

Resolving unfilled desires and yearnings so that we can move forward

2010-07-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

I find myself in San Francisco because sometimes things are set in motion, but take a few years to come to fruition. Sometimes, we don't fully understand why we are so drawn to somebody. We just know that we are drawn to them and sometimes we are very different people in how we view things and yet there is this pull that goes against what some would call better judgment. And sometimes people would say it is doomed to fail, but what does failure even mean. What qualifies as success. Sometimes they tell you that you know that this can't go anywhere, but it doesn't have to go anywhere because there the both you are. It is in between somewhere and nowhere and it isn't supposed to happen for so many countless reasons, but it is happening and lessons are being learned and new thoughts are being formed and considered. Veils are put and removed walls fall and are brought back up like the tides coming in and out. And there seems to be alot of coming in and out and the ego's fight for control and the souls push to get beyond its identity and both people have chosen each other to be pushed whether they realize it or not. Just the other person's mere existence pushes the other person in ways that would seem difficult to conceive and the pushing happens because both people interact with the world in such different ways conflict is destined to arise around every corner yet there is some sort of satisfaction that both people get from the experience otherwise why enter into anything at all. And perhaps both people are drawn to each other because they know the other is unavailable and on some level they want to convince the other to become available just in case they changed their mind and perhaps they are what the other has been looking for and yet, it is too hard to admit because if they were to come together their lives would change dramatically. Maybe they are both seeking a little bit of change and maybe they just want to flirt with change and in the end whether they succeed or fail it does not matter in the ultimate sense. They are just like every other soul having a human experience. They meet up for a brief moment and go there separate ways but are pulled together again whether in this realm or the next one until the karma is resolved. All of us are on a quest to find the eternal home, that is our birthright if we choose to claim it. Yet, Claim it we must! we all return to where we came from and to me that has always been a great comfort regardless of the struggles that we and those around us go through. We are all destined to find a love that is not conditional and a peace that can't be disturbed and a joy that floats higher and higher. Yet, it is not something I have truly tasted, merely something that has grazed my lips and that alone is enough to encourage me to seek this final liberation for the soul.

The relationships along the way merely help us to work through our areas of inner resistance that become expressed in our external environments.

New video I shot with a friend

2010-06-11T16:29:00.001-07:00

I left my heart in SF so I came back to get it

2010-04-30T16:28:00.000-07:00

Looking Within To see the Change we Desire to see in The World

2010-04-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

Allowing inspiration to come in a way that allows the expression of things, be it in words, music, art, dance or the simplest gesture, is one of the most beautiful things about existence. There are unlimited possibilities, and we are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for.
Often I think of the concept of revolution. People love to throw the word around and talk about it. The starting point of revolution is beyond thought and beyond action. It starts in the no-thing-ness, as the Guru Yogiraj would say. There is the blank space that I find myself able to enter more and more easily as I continue to prepare my mind thru ever deeper and more consistent meditation.
We are all capable of great inspiration, but it is of great importance that we enter into what some would call the "zen mind" "no Mind" "Christ Consciosness state". It is not so much about our thoughts as it about our consciousness. Consciousness is the breeding ground of thoughts and of true revolution. All of us are looking for a way to make changes, but the greatest change is to not change at all; to return to our truest nature, our truest state, which we have fallen away from because of social conditioning and programming. Quite often our insecurities, fears, and defense mechanisms are passed down to us by our parents and the people we were raised by. It is up to us not to blame others for the programming, but rather to uproot all of the unhealthy emotional thought patterns that we may have ingrained in our psyche.
When the mind is still and when we are in a state of Yoga (meaning communion with a higher source) then we are capable of great insights and realizations. As I go along the journey I seek more and more to be humble throughout the process and greatly thankful for the Mediums, Saints, Gurus, Avatars, Healers, Mystics, etc... that have helped me to awaken to greater truths inside of myself. We must continue to strive to make it back to our true nature which is peace, calm, unconditional love, joy, laughter, beauty, strength. We must face those parts of ourselves that make us uncomfortable.
Our individual progress will reflect in the world's progress. We must change on an individual level before the world can follow suit. Deepening our realization of our true nature allows us to express greater truths with a power behind them that stems from internalizing truth. Truth can not be learned; it must be internalized. I strive everyday more and more to internalize truth.

The simple act of focusing on breathing and simple mantra of your choice that stirs your divine nature can make you a vessel of great healing. May my own selfish desires continue to fade and may all I be left with is unwavering love for the divine and to recognize the divine in others regardless of their own neglect of that truth. May we all serve not as judges but merely as mirrors, here to show others what they, too, are capable of achieving when the true nature is no longer denied, but embraced.

Not Forgiving Yourself isn't helping anyone

2010-04-06T08:26:00.001-07:00

So often along the way on the journey we make mistakes and sometimes they are bigger mistakes and they may have consequences but not forgiving ourselves is not helping anyone. It is not helping the person or people that were hurt nor is it helping us. Holding on to past mistakes is not beneficial. Yes being more consciousness and learning from those mistakes can be of great benefit, but don't keep beating yourself up over the past. Otherwise we miss the present moment to make good choices that we can feel proud about. Every choice we makes good or bad leads us to where we are in this moment. We have to realize that this very moment there is an opportunity to do something that we can be proud about and that can benefit others and potentially the people we may have hurt directly or indirectly. The journey towards the infinite is not the easiest, but can be very rewarding... May we all open up to what this moment has to offer and be of service to a complete stranger. The more service I do the lighter I start to feel.

Stay on The Rails Stay in The White Lines don't do the white lines

2010-03-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I walk into a place and unconsciously, I am very aware of all the chaos... and it is truly just madness. Yet, I must admit I am somewhat fascinated by all the craziness. Very entertained by the insanity of it all- and so, if I am not careful it can pull me in, even when I don't participate in the activities. It is like some sort of psychic pollutant to the mind; something that obscures what is really happening and pulls me into the illusion of the drama. I forget that this is merely a dream and once we fully awaken to that truth, we are no longer slaves to it. I told a friend recently that conditional love is for suckers and slaves to approval and yet, I must acknowledge that there is still that part of me (and all of us, really) that seeks conditional love. Unconditional love is something the mind is not used to accepting. I find myself digging deeper and deeper, and sometimes I feel that prod of pain that pushes me to seek that love. Enlightenment or bust is how I like to phrase it, but really it is more like enlightenment or reincarnate... and truth be told even enlightened souls will still choose to reincarnate for our benefit. I am very thankful for those souls. I find it funny that people that are interested in my healing gift will be reluctant to see certain saints and/or guru's who are far more advanced than I. There is this part of me that only wants to take my spiritual path to a point and pull back from that final plunge. To approach the edge and merely sit back down and cling to form. Yet my clinging can only bring me more pain. Pain is not a bad thing... it is a beautiful thing and it has helped me to grow and expand but, that clinging to it, as well as clinging to pleasure aren't helping me (or anyone else for that matter). I sit here typing, feeling like a boy of five, even though I am 30, but I don't feel any older nor do I feel any less hopeful. I see people around me strive and others merely scared to be bold fold and compromise. But what really lies in the compromise is an unbearable pain.

I am in Austin Texas right now, in my physical form at this moment, staying at a good friend of mine who I met in Dallas at an Amma gathering. The way life brings us together and the people it brings us to is an amazing spectacle. I am here, but where is the person who drew some lines in the sand and stole it from someone else and put a name on it. That for the most part is the story of this planet, It is all story that for the most part we have agreed to play along with, but the beauty of it all is that when we awaken we don't have to play along... and when we do play along, its purely for the unfoldment of the evolution of humanity. I have said certain things before and I am sure I will say them again until they are fulfilled. I won't always get things on the first go so I merely keep going because I don't know how to quit. I just know how to move towards a greater understanding and a greater compassion. I have made my mistakes, some people may not want to forgive and others may not understand my choices. Yet, if I can feel peace in my heart that is what matters most. I was not put here for any other reason then to fulfill God's plan which is not the end of the world, but rather the beginning of the world. The world as it should be guided by love and inner insight. Some have lost faith because it has not happened yet and that may be the case, but things shall change and a new day is arriving... a day where the spirit of divine brotherhood shall fill the planet.

That Achey Break HEart Can Be Healed

2010-03-08T20:40:00.000-08:00

So on occasion I often hear someone, myself including, rambling, stumbling or fumbling about some heart break. In some cases they can't even seem to walk or talk quite right. It seems like someone might have knocked the sails out of their boat. Perhaps they crashed into a Mountain where on the losing side of a fight with a Grizzly bear, but it is in an emotional way, which makes it all the more worse because on the surface when people do not pay attention you appear to be fine. It is in these moments that we have to pull ourselves by our suspenders or boot straps and just get up because "mickey loves you" win one for the Gipper sort of stuff. And yet for many people they may know this but somehow they seem unable to take these simple steps. This is of course why great friends are so important on this journey. They can really aide and assist during these moments when it seems like life is conspiring against you. Yet, this is not the case, rather it is seeking to rid us of our attachment to the small world stage so that we seek the director behind the scenes. Seek the creator, not the creations and at anytime I seem to forget this I am so quickly reminded of this great truth.
So often most of the pain we experience is something that we look back on and even laugh or smile. It is that perspective to realize that heavy set lady has not sung. God is there watching over us offering His/Her infinite love to us his children yet our minds seem to block this blessing from entering into our being. Sometimes the mind wants revenge or payback or to even dwell in this hurt, yet in those actions we block the blessing of infinite all compassionate love. May we all go on seeking what is within and there are moments where this task seems implausible, but I have been blessed to meet a few beings that have exemplified that this is not the case. Yet some people do not believe in God and have a hard time with the concept of a unseen hand of divinity. Eventually we will all find our way, whether it be in this lifetime or the next. Regardless of our beliefs because we all return to where we came from.

The Problem With Wanting to Be Special

2010-02-24T10:44:00.000-08:00

This whole idea or concept has lead to quite a few poor choices in my life and at certain times has had me come off as a bit egotistical, but at the root of it all is this desire to fell worthy, to feel that what I do matters.

I used to feel this way so frequently that it would impair the quality of my life and those around me. Over time this feeling started to dissipate more and more and around certain people this feeling is triggered and there is unconscious behavior that seeks to be validated as having other people view me as special. I told someone very close to me once if I could make anything go away it would be my desire "To be Special".

The greater the peace I find within myself the less I am looking for anyone or anything to make me special. The desire to want to be special is like being a slave to a master that will never be satisified.

There is never enough acknowledgement to the part of the mind that wants to be special. Then you start overcompensating and become less aware of the feelings of other people around you. You are so caught up in fullfilling your quest to be special that you have forgotten that everybody else is special too.

Though I have made progress with this issue it is still deeply rooted in my unconscious mind and any moment that takes place that validates that I am special, there is almost a clinging feeling around it. The person who is sick in front of you or the person who just lost their mother, father or brother does not need to hear about how special you are. They just need you to be there and be present for them.

This has been one of my most poweful lessons and also at times my most painful because I qucikly see how much unintentional pain is caused to other people when I feel the need to demonstrate that I am special. The deeper my inner communion becomes the less is my desire to be special until one day I will be so blessed to fully just be here and Now with no label and no attachmentt to any desire to feel that I am special.

Hot Dandelion!!!!

2010-02-23T10:43:00.000-08:00

Recently a young woman was talking to me about certain phrases that she uses frequently, and I realized that millions and millions of people say these things more out of habit and programming then because of any greater connection to these phrases. I decided right then and there I needed a new simple phrase that would also convey so much and yet so little such as other greats; like rad, sweet, cool beans, for sure, like like like, and right on. I new it had to be simple and to the point, and Eureka it hit me gently but powerfully like a lighting bolt from Zeus. Hot Dandelion! It had everything I was looking for it was hot, colorful, flowery and easy to remember. It would also initially make most people laugh or at least look at me a little oddly or maybe they are looking at me strangely for a few other reasons. Yet one uttered phrase of simple cosmic brilliance that would bring others joy and give at least a few new options. Remember English is still a relatively new language and we are in desperate need of new phrases to convey thoughts, emotions and ideas. Recently John Mayer contributed the phrase "Sexual Napalm". This opens a door for anyone to come up with something and the ones that catch on will go down in pop culture history. I personally feel we should also strive to be enlightened and serve humanity as our larger self, but along the way we should help to expand the vernacular of the English language. Can I get a Heaven Yeah?!!!! Can I have an Expert Witness? Can I have an OM Shanti Shanti. Hot Dandelion is all I can say folks Hot Dandelion the kid has lost his Garbage pal kid collection and from there it could only be an immaculate perception once we removed life's contraception from our senses.

Where Was I ? Oh yeah, there I am again and then gone again and then Reappearing

2010-02-22T10:33:00.000-08:00

I am in New York City and it is January. It has been 8 years since I have been here this month and every time I think I have had all that I can bear of the winter weather and get ready to migrate, I feel a gnawing feeling inside of me that merely says "not yet, you have not finished what you came to do." I was recently initiated into Kriya yoga and given the name Kriyavan and in this tradition they talk about serving humanity as a larger version of yourself. I have been pondering this a lot lately. I am looking at every person as a reflection of me, though I have not gotten to a point where I am aware of this at all moments. Ever increasingly, I know that I have to allow myself to just be more and more in my being, the doing gets done. The more I allow myself to be fully natural, the more beautiful things effortlessly unfold around me. The more I try, the less things happen. It is only when I truly let go of something that anything can come back to me, but none of it ever belonged to me. I love when I am at a public place and I get up and somebody sits down. I then come back to get my stuff and they usually say "Are these seats yours?" I then reply "I don't own anything, it's yours now."

I feel a lot of liberation in that simple sentence. I never did own anything- I am merely a custodian borrowing everything that I have in my possession. I have my mind set on the guru, my mind set on God, my mind set on peace, and yes, then my mind gets distracted and then I pull it back towards everything I just mentioned. It is all the same thing and it has all been said by somebody much wiser than me, yet it bears repeating, and at this moment it is intended for whoever is reading my blog.

Ashes shot out of A cannon

2010-02-18T09:54:00.000-08:00

I am in Colorado-- Aspen to be specific, because of a young woman from my past that I reconnected with. I was willing to take a leap of faith and though it has not been what I expected, it has been wonderful and made me more aware of my path. I will not allow any attachment to a thing or person to get in the way of my journey. Yet, I must love them all the same and be present to the moment I am in. I am near Hunter S. Thompson's old place out in Woody Creek. My friend John back in NYC has a band called "The Woody Creek Kids," and as fate would have it, that is where I landed. I was asked to find other accommodations by the young woman that I was staying with because it all felt too intense for her. As a result, I met this great guy who I later found out shared the same birthday as me: April 17th . He noticed Yogananda printed on my jacket and commented on his time at the Self Realization center in L.A. It was a brief, one-day visit for him but impacted him greatly. He felt as if he knew me; I proceeded to do a healing on his shoulder which he had hurt a couple of weeks easlier. He said that he was taking care of a cabin in Aspen, and that I was more then welcome to stay there. Though things calmed down in the mind of the young woman that I was staying with, I knew that I would certainly need other accommodations. I knew that the young woman in Aspen was the impetus for me to come out here, but she was not the sole reason. Often there are numerous reasons as to why we end up somewhere and the people we meet along the way.

Aspen

2010-02-11T10:17:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you just hsve to go for it without fully realizing or knowing what it is that you are going for. You have to realize you are being pointed in a certain direction. By allowing yourself to move into that direction, you will be given an opportunity to grow beyond your limits and beyond your comfort. You may feel scared or a little uneasy about taking such a leap, but sticking to everything you know won't help you grow. I recognize that I have a pattern of being drawn to women that never say yes or no, only maybe, and I don't know if they want to grow so eventually I have to let them go. In that letting go for me is a liberation because there is a part of my own mind that does not know if it fully wants to allow me to grow. I do not find it beneficial to fight the feelings that I have, I must merely allow them to pass through me like waves and not react to any of them, merely experience them. I allow the woman I am with to experience herself and just remain present without feeling the need to say or do anything- without feeling that I need to change or fix something. I just need to more deeply submerge myself in my own peace and find a deeper reservoir of love within my own being. We keep walking down a certain road until that road has taught all that it can.

As I sit here in Aspen, Colorado I recognize people come into our lives to act as a push in order to move us in a certain direction. They are merely a piece of our own individual puzzle. They are aspects of divinity helping us to awaken. All of us are here to awaken, and romantic relationships quite often act as catalyst for that awakening. Within these relationships will be vast amounts of both pleasure and pain. Yet, if we stay grounded to the ultimate source--never looking to one person to fill us--then we will feel a greater level of contentment. We place too much attention on one piece of the puzzle when romantic feelings become involved and neglect the whole puzzle. We must strive never to neglect the entire puzzle, and in that way we will be guided to perfectly place that one piece of the puzzle.

I am a couchsurfer and the couch is merely my vessel.

2010-01-29T22:10:00.000-08:00

I have slept on a lot of couches. A LOT of couches... so many that I will often lose count. Yet, the couches are merely a vehicle or vessel to enter into people's lives and help them become more aware of all the greatness that exists within them. All the music, all the art, all the dancing, all the adventure that they are capable of giving birth to if they just allow themselves to be deeply grounded into the earth- bringing their concentration to their third eye and opening their heart. We all have things we are working through and things that we are trying to avoid. We like to pretend that this doesn't exactly apply to us... and I am no exception. Sometimes it may indeed not apply to us at all, but most of the time there are universal laws that are truly regardless of time and space. For every cause, there is an effect. Every choice we make has a consequence. Every choice aids in setting up the next series of decisions we choose to make.

There are many ways to enter into people's lives; none more intimate and more strange then through the couch. Being the guy sleeping on someone's couch, giving them a perspective of who they are and what this journey is all about. The Beatles sang "You say you want a revolution," yet the truest and most enduring revolution is the evolution of humanity. All other revolutions are quickly forgotten and replaced by something else- usually as equally hideous, but given a different name and form. Yet, still the same story of God's unrecognized Glory. Glory, Glory, Hallelujah- we are marching towards a new day, with a new couch. We are helping to awaken ourselves by opening up our homes and our couches. The couchsurfers are offering us a new perspective of our own possibilities and the love that we are and the love that we can share with all the people around us who are inhabiting this world. I love how funny it is that the dude or dudette on the couch could perhaps change our life. Then again so could the bus driver, taxi driver, delivery man, secretary, police officer, even the sales rep. All of us are capable of being divine and awakening another human being to their own divinity. In my case, the vessel is your couch and I am referred to as a couchsurfer. And by one person allowing me to inhabit their couch for a couple of days, I am therefore invited into the lives of many other people. One person's couch provides the bridge to many other people's lives.

Suppose I'm Not the Ideal Boyfriend

2010-01-27T13:52:00.000-08:00

Third party female editor = [ ]
Te' DeVan Kriyavan = ( )

People are always curious about my love life. [Why do you suppose this is?] (they don't know many nomads with large signs and I am out of the societal norms . . . sure everyone has a different reason) Some people think that I am celibate. I assure you that I am not, nor am I hoping to maintain the same pattern of dating beautiful train wrecks, which has comprised a great deal of my dating history. Neither one of us being capable of maintaining a committed relationship. I find that not only women but most people become terrified to realize that he or she has feelings. It is true in my exerpience, or perhaps yours as well, that most people are genuinely terrified of their deepest, truest feelings. It is this lack of intimacy with oneself that prohibits any real intimacy with another.

Still, I believe there are cetrain characteristics a woman is drawn to in a partner that help her feel secure and comfortable with intimacy. [This sentence is problematic in that it prefaces a sweeping generalization of female character. Consider who the woman is you are talking about. Is this a quality of all women, or just the women you are drawn to. If it's the latter, then why are you drawn to these women?](The quality of a high percentage of women though you may be an exception seek those qualities in a partner and I consider to be the realm of relative of truth not absolute truth and some of this blog is written for humor as well) First, of which is that this man have some sort of stable residence (which I have not had in over 8 years). I do not actually know where I will be in 2-5 months and I make a small enough amount of money that I could collect food stamps in most places. This is not typically the sort of things that make for an <"ideal" boyfriend (mainstream America) On the other hand, a materialist does not necessarily make for the ideal boyfriend either. I am well aware that I carry with me a sense of adventure and creativity through passion, which people are inspired by. Yet there remains the simple fact that most people would rather have a "practical" boyfriend than an "inspiring" one. Perhaps, the true ideal would be to have both. How can there be love and compassion through practicalities?

I have always had a gut feeling that I would be very successful, in the traditional sense as defined by society, and that I would be in a position to effect a lot of positive change with my material abundance. Yet people [which people?] (most people) naturally want the "sure thing". Very few people are willing to risk spiritual happiness for convenience, even though they may convince themselves that they love them. They may cheer for and hope for a long shot secretly to come through, but to bet on the long shot is an entirely different matter.

In this particular situation the investments would be time, energy, and emotion. On the surface, my life may not seem stable, but I continue to rest more and more deeply in the the "bosom of the divine mother" (as Yogananda would often say) and I find it quite ample for simple means. Yet, when a traditional western woman and a traditional western family are added to my equation [don't forget that you are specifically referring to your own experience and you cannot generalize so broadly] it would demand that a greater amount of resources be obtained. Simply put, "got to make that money to keep the honey."

I once read of a great Guru who had dispensed with sleeping and had performed many great miracles, yet even his wife, in a fit of delusion and anger, assailed him for not providing more financially for his family. Even the wife of such a wise man still had severe concerns with these things. She quickly returned to her senses after he physically dematerialized briefly, forcing her to realize the error of her ways. I have hardly achieved such a level of realization and recognize that it is only natural for such thoughts to be held by most women. Women have to be concerned for the welfare of their future offspring more deeply than the man. [I cannot let this slide. This is an ignorant assumption. You are completely disregarding the personality of the female, especially spiritual women. You are over-simplifying women on the basis of reproductive biology. Are these just qualities of most of the women you are attracted to? If so, it would be more fitting to address why you are attracted to them and they to you if you are so obviously the opposite of what they think they want.] This may not always be the case, but in developing nations, the lower class find that micro-loans are more successful in benefiting the family when they are made to the women of households instead of the men. [Have you considered that this is a result of social pressures put on these women, and that these women may not have chosen their situation but were forced into it by institutionalized restrictions on the role of women in society? As a result they have no choice but to be wives and mothers] There are always exceptions, but in someone plays the role of the provider and typically in heterosexual relationships this is the man. [Again you are speaking on the basis of assumptions. You might need to do refer to research in sociology and gender studies to make these claims hold water.] Even if the woman makes a good income many will still have the desire for their mate to provide for them in some sort of way. This providing may not always be financial but quite often that is a common form that it takes. [Are most women satisfied by this provision, or would they rather be supported emotionally and spiritually?] A woman who is seriously looking for a mate [What woman, and what kind of mate?] will not take a man seriously who has not demonstrated a reliable stream of income, sufficient to raise a family.

In laymen's terms, this means that I fall into the category of "one-night stand" or "fling". Neither of these categories is particularly appealing to me, but the reality is most western women [what "western" women? this is not a practical category, unless you are looking for a relationship with "most western women". specificity is going to sell your point] will consider me in these unfortunate terms. Of course, some women who are around college age or perhaps have some sort of trust fund might not worry about such things. They are more likely seeking emotional stability and geographical stability. I can provide emotional stability, but I "lose points" for geographical stability, having pursued a nomadic lifestyle for eight years. Therefore, either she also must also be a nomad, or I must allow myself to be settled.

Despite what many people may think, I am not attached to being a nomad. I merely go where I have the best opportunity to heal and pursue the creative projects that capture my imagination. Clearly, I am at a point in my journey that a romantic partner or mate has become quite appealing. I understand, as Patsy Cline put it, that you have to be "crazy" to choose a "stray cat" such as myself. I have this inner knowledge that everything in my life is about to be flipped inside-out. I am at the point of transition where my every day existence is preparing to undergo a major overhaul. I want little more than that deeply loyal and dependable love that I can take walking after midnight. And that must be found within myself first. Only then will the external world mirror my inner realization. No need for me or any female to be lonesome weeping willows. [another generalization] are deeply seeking a partner which is a reflection of their seeking of the unknown infinite. Call it God if you will, or call it unconditional love, or whatever.

"Now I am not saying she's a gold digger, but she ain't messin' with no broke .... you know what" (just ask Kayne and Jamie). I have seen on past occasions the man with finances ends up the "winner", but perhaps winning isn't always winning. I don't want a partner who would pull me away from my spiritual path to chase after worldly treasures, who would ask me to sacrifice the pursuit of God. I understand money for food, shelter, education, and health are valid reasons to choose a partner (although these costs can be greatly minimized through right lifestyle), but do we really need flashy new curtains and polished silverware...? I am simple monk who will be taking on the yogi householder lifestyle in this incarnation. [In my understanding a monk by definition takes vows of celibacy. Perhaps "I am a simply yogi who will be taking on the householder's lifestyle in my present incarnation" is more accurate]. Such is [what is your definition of dharma? there are multitudes] and I am very comfortable following my dharma. I also understand the importance of blending the spiritual with the practical, but never at the sacrifice of the divine. My wife and kids will all eventually leave me, be it death or something else. But God has stayed with me through all of eternity, and the Creator giveth and taketh away. I write this as a reminder to the part of my mind that is still caught in the maya. Have compassion for my delusions, but may all my delusions be removed through perseverance and patience.

I stand near the edge of a vast horizon that defies the scope of my vision. From here I am able to see my future partner walk with me on this leg of my journey, beside me as I transition into a being of greater service to humanity, a partner who facilitates my spiritual growth and I hers. This is no easy task and requires a tremendous commitment from us both. Now is a quiet time of reflection for me to practice kriya yoga and write. May God be my first partner and this woman be an extension of this cosmic partnership.

This was a wonderful battle of values between author and editor. Take what you may.

Take The Pain And Use It To Bring You Closer To The Goal

2009-12-11T18:34:00.000-08:00

What is the goal? They say it is enlightenment, but that has become a word that we hear often in jest. Honestly, it is only a word unless you go through the experience. And so, you feel a great level of suffering... and most of that suffering is our own doing... really, just the way we choose to react towards a certain situation. Yeah, during those situations things that are said tend to be frustrating or just completely absurd, but the question comes down to this: how are you going to handle it? Are you going to brew in it, or are you going to burn it away and bring yourself fully into the present moment? That phone call could come any day and even if it doesn't maybe it will be an even better phone call. You can cry and scream and after that now what is your plan? All of this eventually ends. Remember our good friend Shakespeare- all the world's a stage. What role do you want to play on this stage; a positive one or a negative one? Don't look at what you believe is missing, instead look towards what has been found. I know you want to be happy and not merely the passing happiness that can be taken away as quickly as it comes. Sadness becomes happiness and vice versa... so what is the verse... and rappers become healers and healers become saints and saints were merely sinners that did not give it up. Let go of that need to be special because you see how truly special you are. No longer looking for that approval that we can't seem to get enough of, and so you keep pressing on but just make sure you press on in the right way. Love what you do; never living in that bubble of lies that says "once this one thing happens it will be all good." I hear that one a lot. Sometimes I respond, but mostly I realize that people want to hold onto that illusion. I get involved in numerous people's lives and whether it is their pain or my pain, I will use it as motivation to make it back to our true home. We are all just travelers, nomads, hobos in then greater sense. Don't get too caught up in this world because it will fail you in the end, but that unconditional never dying love that exists within you will serve you more than a bigger pay check or significant other. Those things are merely tools to assist in bringing beauty into this world... and more importantly, helping to alleviate the suffering of ourselves and therefore others. Do not try to look away when you see someone hurting because you are liable to do the same thing when you feel that way. Look at that sadness square in the face and know that there is enough love and will inside of you to disolve it.

Ah that Tricky Tricky Mind

2009-12-11T18:14:00.000-08:00

There are moments when it almost seems like we have this whole "mind" thing in check. But it is truly a "quickie koala" (meaning hard to follow if you ever watched the old cartoon) first you think you've got it then you don't. And if you give it the smallest wandering thought and it will take you on a whole series of non-beneficial thoughts. Worrying about all that things that have already happened, things that might happen (causing more anxiety and less clarity), compulsively day dreaming about the future, and placing lots of expectations on someone or something to be the solution to your happiness to say the least. It truly feels like a knock-out drag-em' down sort of shoot out at the okay corral. And you were doing so well! You were all shanti shanti, blissed-out, giving smiles and love to strangers. But it is in that extended stretch of silent alone time that you finally have to face the things in your mind that you forgot could still stir. They may not ripple the surface of the waters of consciousness as frequently or as forcefully as they may have done once. Still, quite often those things we believe we have discarded are in fact packed away in some shadowy storage space in the corners of our brains, just waiting for the right moment to cast off the blanket of dust and come to light. They can shatter the illusion of all your spiritual growth, like a mirror bursting into billions of shards.

In this moment I recognize myself wrestling with such feelings. I find that when sitting in meditation sometimes a quiet, clear mind is possible, but in other moments sitting is more like an inundation of the mind by a wave of unwanted thoughts. It is an invasion of sorts. On the other hand, I find that a brief intensive workout of some sort can help defend me from this invasive feeling. Perhaps dancing, asanas, shadow-boxing, or a long swim or hike. You just have to shake it out of you. Shake the demons out of the darkness. If you move fast enough they might just jump out of the darkness of your head and once in the light the shadow disappears; you see there was never anything to fear.

During the moment of invasion you might feel an urgent need to contact certain people or indulge in certain destructive habits. Keep your awareness intact and strive to resist and resist. The more resistance you build up against this disruption of your peace, the more fortified and durable your peace will become. There is a surge of energy that sometimes accompanies this feeling of strength. We must channel this energy and direct it towards the source.

Maybe you feel lonely or abandoned or long for whatever it is your ego has you convinced you you lack at this moment. These are merely delusions of the mind and lack any objective truth. Getting at the feeling of inner peace and fortitude that exits within surpasses everything the material world can offer, yet it can be quite elusive. Sometimes you can become lost in an angry, apathetic, or jaded moods, but beyond the shadowy obscuration of all these impermanent negative feelings is the inner knowledge that you are nothing more nor less than a being of light. In these moments, I clearly see the need for spiritual community to reinforce our commitments to spiritual path and support each other in our moments of unceratinty. We can not let each other fall by the wayside of such fleeting thoughts and emotions.

All the Lives I Have Lived

2009-12-10T20:18:00.000-08:00

I was waking around the Bedford L-stop two nights ago when a flood of memories came roaring through me. I could feel myself walking down the street a few summers ago when I stayed with friends on North 11th. I had a big sign about rapping and a smaller sign about healing, and I would switch back and forth regarding which was on display. I remember romances with girls that I was enraptured with, many that I have not even spoken to in years and would not even know where to begin to get in contact with them (except maybe mental telegrams). I remember people I thought would stay in my life for a great deal of time who have moved on. I have necessarily accepted that they may not return to me in this life. It is the present "me" that needs to return to the eternal "me", so that I can free my self from myself, and strive to realize final liberation in this lifetime.

I have woken up in Charleston, Key West, San Francisco, hung out at greyhound stations... sometimes with real tickets and sometimes with fake ones made by a gutter-fab girl I used to know at SVA. Thank you, by the way, Michelle. You made possible a lot of amazing moments on my journey. And thank you to the greyhound bus drivers who allowed that one fake ticket, that looked quite inauspicious, pass at that moment so I would not be stuck in the purgatory that is a greyhound station in the middle of nowhere.

I think of hot summer days in Michigan. I think of all the girls I chased and all the chaos I caused, intentionally or unintentionally. I think of my old crew coach who used to call me a bull in the china shop, until I met an old Chinese man named Gabriel who helped get me started on the process of taming that bull, directing that energy inward towards the infinite source, which I prefer to call God. Perhaps that makes me old-fashioned, and yes, "God" makes people nervous, skeptical, fanatical, etc., but it is simply a word pointing to the inner experience, which expresses so much more.

The Most Important Promises Are the Ones We Make to Ourselves

2009-12-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

Every moment that we break a promise we have made to ourselves we are more likely to do the same with others. I return to the theme of not giving in to my sense desires, though this is no easy battle. If it were no onr would have to struggle with addiction. If a thought is powerful enough, it will eventually manifest itself in reality. Though I may have a few false starts, I will remain committed until I hit the mark. Sin is merely missing the mark, whatever mark you may be aiming for.

Keeping the promises I make to myself enables me to do the same with the people with whom I interact. I once dated a young woman who told me her first reaction was to lie and that truth did not come naturally. Needless to say it did not end well, but such is the folly of youth. I have promised to myself that I will not enter into romantic relationships with those who are not honest. But I need to start with my own honesty, with promises to my higher self. Yogis can not make excuses even if the rest of the world chooses to do so, either for themselves or for you. Still, sometimes the promise inevitably is broken; when the credibility of our word is compromised, we must strive our hardest to rectify the situation so that we can restore the power of our word. Honesty has that special ring to it so that you know it's true, and true love has a similar ring to it, one that romantic love lacks.

I have promised my soul that at some point I will go back to Nepal, though I have never seen the country with the eyes of this life. I recently took a tack and marked it as the place where I am from. We live countless lifetimes and at certain points in our current life we are called to retrieve something that resides inside of us. Certain environments help to awaken the hidden gems that lie within our being. May I keep this promise regardless of the alluring worldly temptations that are placed before me, challenging me to forget my pledge. I have known for a while that my guru awaits me in Nepal. I don't know how I know; I just do. Though I have met many great saints, all of whom are wonderful, still not one is not my guru. Yet I have not shown myself to be fully ready to receive my guru. I have more promises to myself that are yet to be fulfilled. The greatest promise I have made is to seek the love and peace that resides within and not desire to obtain that from others. Once I am blessed enough to find this within myself, then I must assume responsibility to share it with those other seekers and strivers who sincerely work to realize the same treasures. But it is hard to remember this at times, and romantic delusions still assail me.

Move On to New Things And let the Old Rest

2009-12-08T11:26:00.000-08:00

I can catch my mind looking to go down a road I already know merely because I know it, not because I feel that it will enrich my soul, but a longing for the familiar and it is at that moment that I have to be most vigilant towards staying on my path and not looking for a way to go on an unecessary ten mile detour thru the -tourist trap of the spiritual journey-. It is necessary that we aspire to new heights even if we don't know what we will experience. I keep looking towards revolution as the evolution of humanity. I have to walk my talk as best I can and staying away from the obvious detours that longer offer so much joy as the comfort of a security blanket, and finding it keeps causing you to trip all over the place. Not to mention all the energy you spend keeping track on where the security blanket might be. If we are secure in ourselves then we no longer need security blankets and we can pass those security blanket on to others. May we all head forward with empty hands and empty cups to see what grace life has to fill our cups and along the way fill the cups of others the best we can. I am not fully anchored in the omnipresent spirit of love. Though I strive to get there momemt by moment with an intensity for God that does not draw only from intellectual speculation but from inward accumulation.

So I adhere to all the old to rest and the new to rise and keep creating the space for the things I want and not settling for the things that come around just because they are comfortable and convient. "I care too much to compromise" is my mantra for this moment and may I remember it in all moments of weakness to keep striving towards a greater reverence of the higher self. The higher self does not have room for the nonsense of the past, merely a keen yearning to realize that we are complete and do not need to be completed.

Those Pesky Negative Thoughts

2009-12-07T21:19:00.000-08:00

Yes, you meditate and chant and go out and are of service to humanity. And yet you still have negative thoughts making their way into your head. And this will continue to happen for most of your life. Yet, I find the more committed I become the less this happens. The more immersed I become in this moment the less of an effect it has on me. The negative thoughts become increasingly quieter and have less bite, less often. You must persevere. You must push ahead. You must not fold. You must strengthen your will, your resolve to return to your highest, truest essence. You shall not be denied if you always continue to strive. Strive towards the infinite and your success will inspire others to do the same. Negative habits of thought, that your efforts are fruitless or that you are not good enough, and all the other doubts, are merely the delusions of an ego seeking to deter you from realzing your connection with the source. You are an infinite light and when light is shun darkness can not help but remain. All of us, through our commitment to do so, are beginning to shine more brightly. Many people use the word ego without necessarily understanding its meaning, but in its simplest essence it is the very limited concept of who we think we are in this world. My name is Rick, Bob, Sara, Rachel etc.. I live London, Kansas, Jersey, Texas etc.... I work in investment banking, teaching, healing arts, etc.... My friends are Lucy, Thomas, Rafael, Julio etc.... It is our story in a nutshell, who we believe we are. And we become very protective of our story though it may be quite painful or even boring. But still we see it as our story and that which makes us superior or inferior, but most importantly what makes us "us". Yet it is neither more nor less real than the role an actor or actress plays, and our true essence remains hidden to ourselves and our communities when we perceive ourselves only through the limited concept of the ego.

Awkward For Other People Isn't Always Awkward For Me

2009-12-01T23:05:00.000-08:00

This evening I attended a dinner party on the upper east side and, as always, I allowed myself to just be myself and to do what felt natural. While I can say that there was a noticeable feeling of inhibition in the room, still I found myself preoccupied with my own inner bliss and quietly listening to the people that chose to open up and share with me. Some did with great joy and others seemed somewhat terrified of me and kept a polite and safe distance. The space had the essence of an over-intellectualized art scene which strives for rationality at all times and believe that solutions can always be found in the mind. In such an environment I always just allow myself, to the extent that I can, to go beyond the mind into a place of spontaneity and naturalness. I find that this is perceived as either a breath of fresh air or rather unnerving, and people either run towards it or from it. At some point people become slaves to social rules and I find that dinner parties often suffer from this malady. I seek to create a home of hospitality where people allow their true essence to shine through, where understanding can be reached in moments of complete silence; where conversations arouse what is in people's hearts rather than topics that will be perceived as clever or merely scandalous. I desire to create a home for many people, a place where people's highest natures are nurtured. Some people have a tendency to become awkward in the presence of anyone who is raw and honest in their expression of self. It is the self-censorship of the mind that keeps us trapped. At one point in the dinner party the guests began to watch old porn that was abstract and artsy. However, I did not pay much attention to what was being shown, and instead became engaged in staring at the third eye of a young woman who was next to me. She kept mentioning that she felt self-conscious and telling me she was sorry. Yet she kept attempting to hold my stare, pulling her eyes away only to turn them back, and occasionally asking me to tell her what I was thinking. I explained that I am not so much in a thinking state, but merely in a state of awareness or no-thought. There was something beautiful about watching her become unraveled and I literally did nothing. I was being the best mirror I could be and holding a space of stillness for her to reflect in. I could see her eyes darting and not knowing what to make of me. I was not flirting with her but just staring as a way of looking through her, into her soul-essence. On many occasions I steer clear of small talk and prefer to just quietly stare, instead of entertaining the typical questions of age, location, birth, school, etc.... because none of that really tells me who you are, nor does it tell you who I am. This can be an akward experience for the mind, but to the soul it is truly delightful. As people spend more time away from the limits of their minds, in their soul-essence they will begin to recognize this as a much more preferable experience.

I want to take this moment to send my love to Manhattan and Brooklyn. I feel a lot of warmth being back in town, even if the external weather might be cold... so if you happen to be around feel free to contact me.

Laughing At A Foolish Young Man

2009-11-28T20:33:00.000-08:00

At time I still laugh at the foolish young man who resides within me. But I now am able to observe the insanity that years ago would grip my mind and lead me to make embarassing and ego-crushing decisions. These memories give me a fresh understanding of the habits that I work to cultivate, and of the habits that I work to break.

As we gain greater wisdom, there is that part of us that says, "why did I not understood these things years ago? Then I would not have committed such absurd follies!" But perhaps others can learn from my follies and avoid those same pitfalls. Or, perhaps my insights can help someone climb out of the hole that their mind has dug for them.

All of my follies were simply perpetuated by delusions of grandeur and a general fear of being hurt.

Sometimes You Are Neither Happy Nor Sad--Just A Peaceful Even Keel

2009-11-28T20:21:00.000-08:00

I find myself in a place of feeling neither particularly ecstatic nor sad. I am feeling on a very even keel and there is a part of my mind that feels it needs the extremes of happiness or sadness. Yet there are only feelings acceptance and peace, and not too much taking place in my external life in this respect.

But whether things are up or down, I want to keep this even-mindedness in my experience of all things that may or may not come my way. I feel myself as the watcher and observer of my experience, as well as the experience of those around me. I am not sure if this mood makes for the most exciting writing. But things don't always need to be exciting nor do they need to be dull.

I have watched so many people come in and out of my life and more and more it has taught me to love with detachment, because attachment does not seem to help anyone through life's processes. I find that I am much more beneficial to those around me when I am feeling this peaceful and even keel. The key for me is not trying to force anything right now, remaining patient in this present moment and continuing to listen to my inner guidance.

The saying is that it is calm before the storm, and ulitmately I seek to be the calm at all times and never be thrown out my center into the storm by whatever may come my way. I am working towards not being a slave to the whims of my sensory perceptions. I am striving to remain objective when observing my behaviors, and to remain present to subconscious agendas that I may have.

To the mind, peace can seem boring because it often seeks a chaotic state in order to maintain its hold on you. The greater your peace becomes, the less of a hold your mind has on you. And you neither chase after happiness nor indulge in sadness. I was looking back yesterday and today on my earlier years and how much more angst there was, and how far I have come from that early part of my journey. So I here I am, valuing the discovery of a simple state of mind where I can just be like a five-year-old, blissed on breathing and dancing and singing and enjoying all the simple things. Recently, I have been longing for Georgia, a feeling that has manifested through listening to the song "Midnight Train to Georgia". I want to go to the hostel in the Forest, among other things. It is time to utilize my couchsurfing profile and venture out into new terroritory. Though it might be a few months before I make this trek, I feel Georgia on my mind and with it the desire to deepen my meditations and share my bliss in nature, enjoying the beauty of the sun and experiencing some Southern hospitality.

When Did It Become SO Trendy To Be A Pleiadian?

2009-11-26T19:27:00.001-08:00

Really I want to know when this happened. I was not sent the memo and all of sudden, people started coming up to me at music festivals telling me that they were Pleiadians and they thought that I was one too. Or people would just flat out ask me if I was Pleiadian or they would tell me that I was a Pleiadian. And I feel slowly but surely there must be more Pleiadians than Earthlings which made me think we must not be on Earth. In fact maybe we are Pleiadia (take a guess at the name of the planet.)
It always seems to me that everyone wants a new identity, and a way of explaining why they never feel like they don't fit in. The old answer used to be that you were Gay or some sort of Artistic type and that is why you did not fit in. Or that you march to the beat of a different drummer, or perhaps you are on a spiritual journey.
Now times have changed and obviously all those anwsers became too contrived or too normal and it is obvious that the only explaination must be that you are a Pleiadian from Pleidia here to transform the earth. I am open to this possibility because after all, what do I really know. All of these different labels seem to be alternative forms of exclusivity. It all goes back to that "I don't want to be a part of any club that would have me as a member." (Groucho Marx.)
And maybe that is my real issue here: that they are so quick to embrace into the group as a long lost Pleiadian. It seems to be in that same vein as people who tell me about being a poweful sorcerer, king, or shaman in their previous life. I am cool with that. In fact I will accept that totally. But right now you are working the slurpy machine at Seven Eleven and it's broken so assuming you want to keep your job, maybe you should fix the machine.

Really at the end of the day I am a simple man and I belive in simple miracles. In fact all miracles are quite simple. That is why we often overlook them. I did not invent any eloborate labels. Merely I just strive to have the inner experience without trying to intellectualize or hypothesize different theories.
I am not opposed to any of it and find it all quite amusing. I just want to express the very simple zen saying: "before enligtenment chop wood and carry water and after enlightenment chop wood and carry water."

I Find My Strength In Kindness.

2009-11-23T07:51:00.000-08:00

I walk by so many people and sometimes I am merely compelled to stop in my tracks and acknowledge them through a deep bow through a smile through a handshake or through a hug. This society has taught me to fear strangers, yet within that stranger is an aspect of God. If I fear them then I am fearing God. How can I get to know anything if I am afraid of it. To fear strangers is to fear God. To fear God is to block the never-ending wave of unconditional love that God offers us if we fully accept it.
The mind wants to block that wave because the small concept of ourselves becomes enveloped in the infinite aspect of who we truly are. I am on a sojourn of truth and I will seek and I seek those who have found, so that I can make it to the destination as well. God is so close to us that at moments it is hard for us to see. God is closer to us than our nose but also just as difficult to see without a mirror.
The saint, the master, the true guru, and the Avatar act as mirrors that allow us to see our true selves without name without form. That is why I seek out such individuals. Each time I touch a deeper aspect of my peace which I can then share with others. The more we give the more we are capable of receiving. The more powerful we become the more humble we must also become. It is only the weak man who truly feels the need to let everyone know of his supposed "power."
I have had certain moments in my life were I was possessed by the illusion of power seeking to appear strong. The only strength I desire is that strength which pushes me forward to my beloved infinite. There is a guru named Babaji, also known as the deathless Guru. Often he is a the forefront of my mind and I feel him guiding my steps as I feel the hand of Christ guding my steps towards the goal of enlightenment.
We need not spend so much time speculating on whether or nor the water is cold or whether or not we can make it to the other side. We merely need to jump in the water and then we will know for ourselves. Once we jump in we must then seek to make it to the other side. Thru the grace of the Guru who is truly our divine Sherpa we are capable of making it to the final desination of enlightenment, which is a new beginning within itself.

God is endlessness, but to reach a point where the Maya or illusion of this world can never pull me back down is liberation that I seek with great sincerity. Our kindness paves the wave for such blessings as finding our guru when we are ready to receive such graces.

Seek the Creator Over The Creations.

2009-11-23T07:30:00.000-08:00

Often I describe a one-month time frame as being a full year in my life because of the many events that transpire. I find the more work I do internally the more the external has to respond to us. I cultivate a stillness within myself or rather bring my awareness to the stillness that is naturally there. As a result, a lot of things start happening around me.
I am merely here to be a facilitator of music, magic, mishcief and general merryment. I have come for the awakeing and yes of course I have come for the revolution, but the revolution is the evolution of humanity. Our humanity is jeopardized when we become ensnared merely in seeking sense pleasures. The greatest pleasure never takes place in anything that I have obtained. I still feel many desires lurking in my mind. I try to remain present to them so that I do not become a slave merely here to fullfill these cravings, because it only leads to more cravings and it is never satiated.
Here I am 'here you are' and I am reminded of our first encounter and all that was to become was easily expressed in a few gestures and a few sentences. The details were unknown but the overall arching story line was expressed. When I first met one of my best friends, Smiley McNamara, there was this great sense of "Here We Go Again." It was as if we had embarked on a journey many times before and we had come together to embark on the journey in this lifetime.
Nothing is placed arbitrarily on our path. It is all there for our greater understanding and betterment of our higher self. Even our enemies serve as great lessons to further and deepen our understanding of divinity. Pain is the prod to remembrance and that remembering is divine.
This world is not our home, but may we treat it with more respect for the brief time we happen to reside on this floating spaceship of sorts. Sometimes I view my sojurn on Earth as being at sleep-away camp. Yet I am determined to stop sleeping and awaken more fully to the essence that prevades all of life.

God is my fashion God is my redeemer God is my partner God is my protector God is my lover God is my comedian God is everything that I could ever desire. Now it is removing the obstacles of the mind so that I can perceive more fully these simple truths. Believing in God and talking about God will not give you the God experience. God is not here to punish or condemn. That is the nonsense going on in people's minds.
God wants us to make it back home to him, but has created a game to see if we seek him the creator, or his creations. We can have his creations as well but first we must have him the creator at the forefront of all our thoughts and actions so that we can more greatly enjoy his creations. Here Here for seeking creator beyond the creations may we never lose sight of the goal.

God is the goal and if you take a few steps towards him, he will take many more steps towards you.

Keep It Fluid

2009-11-23T07:10:00.000-08:00

There is a wildness to the busy city streets and there is proverbial manic magic that permeates the streets of NYC. I keep walking the streets and I am continually blessed from numerous people from different chapters in life, all there to bring me to my next step of the destination.
I feel a greater determination brewing inside of me and the motivation to seek God is ever-expanding. I am here to be present for this moment and find myself thrust into NYC just as fall is soon becoming winter. I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I went from living on a bus in Venice, California to crashing with two of my dearest friends in Brooklyn off the Jefferson stop. When I wake up, quite often I take a cold shower that brings about a refreshing wave that reminds me how alive I am in the physical form.
I find myself seeking a sweet mischief and pushing my boundaries and heading down these new paths that are starting in my brain and it is a lightening coursing thru my entire being. Just the earliest flicker of a an ever-expanding blaze and my fears are slipping away. A prevailing love is dominanting more and more of my existence. I have come to be a part of history for the new spiritual renaissance, where man remembers that we are a truly immortal spirit that temporarily has a body experience.
I will use media to broadcast the message as the Guru's grace sees fit. There are things brewing inside of me that will lead to a furthering of people's quest to know God. I am here to know God. Not to believe in God or merely speculate on God, but to have the God experience. All of us are capable of this experience and I realize that all is given to me by God.
A couple weeks ago in Los Angeles a man handed me twenty dollars and said it was on him and then immediately corrected himself and said it was on God. Then I walked further down and asked my friend J.T. for a juice recommendation and he told me God was telling me I should have such and such a drink. I found this particularly interesting being that J.T. has never before told me God was telling him to say anything in particular.
We all have these moments and then we have dramas that attempt to suck us in and zap and deplete our peace of mind. We must be the rulers of our mind and this demands a mastery of the mind. I find that bringing my attention and awareness to my breath ensures that I keep myself coming from my being. I remain present so that I can respond to the situation as it best can be responded to, and do things that I never would have been able to think of in my mind.

I find myself merely fluidly moving from one moment to the next. I feel as if I am moving like water and therefore a cascade of grace. I have become enamored with this word Grace and a realization that all that I have is merely the Grace of God/Guru. I also love the word God and know it has typically caused people a lot of trouble, but I want to do some positive PR for the word "God." It is merely a way of pointing at the infinity of divinity that is dwelling in all things.

May we remember that we have come here to experience an unconditional love and share it with our fellow brothers and sisters.

Life Will Conspire For You

2009-11-22T07:08:00.000-08:00

So last night I was and for that matter I am still in Atlantic City, New Jersey. I came for my uncle's 60th surprise birthday party. I had just won $50 at the blackjack table (an old habit of mine), but I managed to walk away on the upside. I then ran into a few family friends that were heading to the restaurant where we were convening for the surprise birthday dinner. I then started chatting with my uncle's best friend's son's girlfriend. My uncle is also currently their realtor. She thought I would make for someone interesting to sit next to during dinner at the very least. I then proceeded to share with her an idea I had for a reality television series specifically of the comedy variety.
She then mentioned that she works for MTV, and comedy is exactly the department that she works in, and they are looking for something exactly like the show I had just described. She also realized that she happened to recognize my mother because they had recently sat next to each other at the nail salon in Springfield.
She herself had some unique psychic experiences in her life and comes from a family of Romanian Gypsies. When they get a feeling about something, things happen. She mentioned that she was overwhelmed with a desire to bring her business card, but thought the notion absurd because of the circumstances of the night. Needless to say, as usual the absurd prevails in my life and last night was no exception.
I then proceeded to do some healing work on a migraine issue that she had been having. The room we were in was well air conditioned and despite this she felt a wave of heat through her entire body. This of course is not an uncommon experience that people have during a healing session.
Shortly after that while on the way out we ran into a young man who was a bit tipsy to say the least. My uncle had been chatting with this young man earlier in the garage and he recognized me from music festivals and referred to me as the 'shaman.'
He and his girlfriend asked me if I would do what I do for them and I agreed. He said he only had $5. I said that I never turn anyone away if they are sincere in their desire. I could greatly sense his sincerity. We ended up in the back hallway intended for employees only. After his healing while I was working on his girlfriend we were told that we were not allowed to be there. Although, we were left alone for a few moments to allow the healing energy to run its course.
Shortly after that I was doing some tai-chi exercises in the hotel lobby area of the Casino-Hotel. Needless to say, it isn't China and the simplest actions of calm can cause such large ripples. One young gentleman preceeded to do some of the exercises with me. He was struggling intensely with anger and sadness in regards to a particular female in his life. This is something that I know all too well. After a little while he calmed down. Although he was feeling more of his sadness, the mask of anger and confusion was slipping away. You could feel more of a peace emanating from him. Later in the evening someone else recognized me from somewhere, but he did not know where and he decided that I must be famous. Thirty minutes later he was talking about fame and I simply said, "I know many unhappy famous people--it fades: seek enlightenment that will never fade." There was a look of understanding and a deep appreciation on his face for pointing out the delusion of fame which our society is taught to regard so highly.

Life is a funny and splendid thing. I never would have imagined that any of these events would have taken place in Atlantic City during my Uncle's surprise birthday party. There were other beautiful moments and events that occurred last night. It is the constant reminder that will always conspire for you, and we merely have to be present for the moment and allow things to unfold as divinity had planned.
I send all my love to whoever reads this and I hope that you find more than you can imagine inside yourself. My life can appear to be very adventurous and it most certainly is. There is also a lot of peace and the greatest experience is the one that exists inside of us, and that is something we take everywhere we go. At any moment we are capable of experiencing a love and a bliss that words are not capable of expressing such sensations and feelings. We can only vaguely point to the experience. Ultimately we all have to open ourselves up to having that experience on our own.

The Guru just left for Vegas.

2009-11-19T15:08:00.001-08:00

Recently I ran into a friend of mine that had seen me in the Diag of Ann Arbor, Michigan. He also ran into me a few times in the Venice and Santa Monica, California area. I went with him to Laguna Hills, California to see a guru that I had heard about thru a flyer I was given at Bhakti Fest, a Kirtan Yoga music festival that took place just outside of Joshua Tree, California in the middle of September.
On the way there my friend and I got stuck in traffic and were running about an hour late for the Darshan (spiritual blessing from a saint.) On our way I told my friend that often we think we are going somewhere for a particular reason only to discover it is not quite what we expected, but that there is always a reason why. Once we arrived at the address we noticed that we were in a cul-de-sac in Laguna Hills and the lights were not on and nobody was around at all.
We made a phone call only to discover that they had changed the date of the Darshan on the website and we had an older flyer. I figured we had come all this way for a reason and I was so determined to have my experience that an urgent need to use the restroom encouraged me to ring the door bell of a house across the street from the address we were given. We were told by another neighbor that the people in these houses were indeed connected.
A very sweet woman who opened the door told us the Guru had gone to Vegas. Well of course we were somewhat disappointed, but my immediate need was to use the restroom. She obliged very lovingly to allow me to do so and my friend also entered into the house/Ashram (religious hermitage.) After I got out I incessantly pushed her to share her experiences with her Guru. After all we had come an hour and a half, at least we could hear some good stories. As she started to speak of her experiences I could feel an ever-deepening calm and peace descend upon all of us.

We stayed for an hour and a half, mostly listening. I shared a few of my own experiences as well. And even though the Guru's physical body had left for Vegas, his presence in the house/ashram and his presence thru his disciple poured out an experience that was exceedingly blissful and palitable.

It is funny how things won't turn out how we thought they would, but exactly how they were meant to be. We need to accept this very basic fact and life becomes a lot easier. I continue along this journey amazingly thankful and blessed for the people that continue to come into my life and even the ones who almost come in. They are just right around the next ashram.

Say It isn't so, but if it is so may I accept it.

2009-11-19T15:06:00.001-08:00

I want to find myself constantly in a state beyond the mind. This does not mean that you can't function, but merely that you come from a place of awareness that feels light and easy like a George Michael Careless Whisper.
Yeah maybe I have to say goodbye for a few years. But it is better than saying hello when I can't even talk to you and all I got was an occassional text message. I had to push it to the point that you said no more. It had to be no more so that I could be free to pursue my heart and purpose without holding onto something that is merely in the ether. I deepened my love and the hurt was deep, but it has made me more compassionate and empathetic and stronger in my resolve towards the infinite.

The mind is a stubborn thing and it sometimes has to be everything or nothing and something in between in the bardo of uncertainity that stops us from what we both deserve, which is to be happy.
It would have been easier had it happened with even a phone conversation or just one in-person meet up. I figure it only fair based on the things that were previously said and shared, but you were scared and so was I, yet I had a willingness to explore that fear.
Now I enter into a brand new chapter and part of that chapter is building a foundation along what I have spent the better part of lifetimes formulating thru the soul's eternal quest. And when love is true there is not always a need to call and say I love you. As love becomes more true it is reflected in our very being and that love needs to start within ourselves, and I will start with myself right here right now.
And that is all we can do, is start with ourselves.

Back to New York City for the winter. Are you serious?

2009-11-18T18:52:00.000-08:00

As I sit here, my friend sits here telling me it is now women breaking men's hearts and there has been a role reversal. Or this is at least among the male friends that I am hanging out with in San Francisco at this moment. I am a few hours from going back to New York City after spending a few days in San Ramon at Amma's ashram. There I reconnected with old friends and made new ones and kept noticing a reocurrence of people who practice Kriya Yoga and who are very drawn to Yoganda. I am feeling as if I am back in college and that I am heading back for Thanksgiving break but that was nearly 9 years ago. "Time flys" becomes more than a cliche as we get older.
I find myself striving to create more good habits and allow bad habits or things that no longer serve my higher self to fall away. ,Along the way we are going to stumble, but we just have to keep getting up at not beat ourselves up over being selfish in our last relationship or over hurtful thing that we said to a friend of ours.
We need to forgive ourselves and return to old places as if they are new places. When I was at Amma's ashram I was given opportunities to go down old roads, but I just let them move along. I find myself at a new stage where I want to be with a partner who has found her own footing.

In the past I have found myself in situations that were good in many ways but still not what I was looking for. There was that feeling of loneliness and that desire to have someone with which to share the journey. But we crashed and burned and many times we choose each other for that very reason. It was a part of me that was stubborn and seemed to need constant reminding. And even a great heart with a messy mind that wants to stay that way makes for an imbalanced relationship. It always takes two on the same level of awareness and willingness to work towards the higher essence that exists within both people.

Lets raise the bar and lets not settle and compromise and maybe we will have less infidelity and wandering eyes and all that stuff. Yes the mind is a messy thing. I know this very well from my own experience, but I also know that if we seek deeply we can go beyond the mind. And beyond the mind we can find a love that brings us together to seek the creator and not get stonewalled by the creations.

By the way I am doing my first Manhattan winter in quite some time just because I feel that is where I need to be. Not because I prefer the cold, but because trusting my inner voice gets me to all the blessed experiences that I have received. It has been 7 years since I have been in New York City during this time of year. I look forward to all the new experiences and people that will come forward.

I Missed You Even Though We Just Met

2009-11-10T07:38:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I meet somebody along the way and though it is the first time we have met, the feeling that I know them is quite strong and powerful. When I give them a hug it is a feeling that I have missed them or of being in contact with their soul in the human experience.

I often find that with certain people we have an immediate connection, and from my experience it is connected to previous lifetimes that we have spent with them. We all have been here so many times. Energy can not be created or destroyed, it merely changes form or is transferred, to paraphrase the law of the conservation of energy. Our energy was here before, it is here now, and it will be here when we meet again. Same energy, different time.

I am honoring the simple beautiful fact that I know people whose names I have never uttered before in this lifetime. There is a feeling that everything slows down and you are given at times an over-powering hit of 'here we go again.' It feels as if I am picking up with them where I last left off. It may have been 3 lifetimes ago but in this present lifetime and moment they have returned sometimes briefly and sometimes for the long haul. But they have been a part of my journey long before I met them and will remain a part of the journey long after they are gone. And when I part ways from them I think I want to tell them I missed them and it was good to see them again even though it is merely our first encounter in this lifetime.

All of us are marching towards the infinite; all of us are remembering more and more that this is not our first lifetime. Eventually it will be accepted as common fact and in some cultures it is indeed accepted as fact. Call it reincarnation or any number of explanations. You never know when somebody will re-enter your life from the past.

I recommend remaining present and allowing yourself to explore it when you feel that wave of familiarity that you can not quite explain. Allow yourself to talk to these individuals as if you have known them because in likelyhood you have known them before.

Note From New Editor:

2009-11-09T18:02:00.000-08:00

Mr. Kurzweil has accepted me as editor of his blog, Slacker Prophet, as of this week. I look forward to working with Mr. Kurzweil in publishing his content. I also look forward to feedback from all of his followers should they find issues with the writing quality of his blog.
Mr. Kurzweil has many plans for publication on his blog. Readers can expect to see some slight changes in content in order to ensure a consistent quality and readability in publication. He wishes to produce a professional, top-rate blog with professional, top-rate material.
Some previous posts may be edited and re-published to ensure quality of content, and for clarification for new readers/followers. If a post seems familiar, it might be a re-publication post-edit. All re-publications will be duly noted.
We ask for your patience and understanding as we work together to ensure total quality with this blog. Some replies and content may have a slight delay in publication due to editing. This is only to ensure all content has been professionally maintained.

Thank you,
Editor

Every Kriya Breath You Take

2009-10-07T18:22:00.000-07:00

(Republication 11-13-09 post-edit)

It has been 6 years since I first stumbled upon an autobiography of a yogi in Key West, Florida in the fall of 2003. Many things took place on that trip that have since stirred the course of my life. One of them was this book in which no one seemed to have interest as it remained neglected at a juice bar. After reading it I became enthralled and it has led me to raise the bar in regards to what is truly possible in the world.
We are conditioned to believe that technology has no limit and we as humans have numerous limits. I have never subscribed to this theory. Since reading the autobiography I have been guided on a quest to seek more within myself and I have had experiences in the external world that have aided me as inspiration to pentrate more deeply into my inner being.
Despite the work I have done I have only scraped a fraction of the potential. I am quite drawn to Kriya yoga as the lightening vehicle to god consciousness or true self realization.
There is a different guru from the Himalayas named Yogiraj and I will make my way to see him later this month to be intiated in this technique. He is a short distance outside of Santa Cruz, California. My visit may lead to a deeper awakening and greater peace and love that I can share with all humanity.
Currently I find myself in San Francisco, California, bouncing around on couches after staying for some time on a bus that had painted on it the phrase "Just Believe." I feel that believing is incredible. But even more profound is just to have have the experience. I am hoping to experience a deeper level of compassion and love as a result of my intiation into Kriya yoga by Yogiraj.
I have been blessed by many saints and some avatars that have helped me immensely on my journey. I am starting a new chapter in my journey that will lead me to a deeper commitment to god and to a source that will help to release myself of the bondage of my desires.
Now so many of us are awakening in ways that we have never known before. We must put forth great effort. To have a true guru or perfect mirror ensures a deeper inner relazation of our true sel--which is endlessness. Our true nature according to all the masters is infinite, yet out of fear our minds won't allow us to experience this. Instead we seek the scraps offered to us by the world. Yet this never quells our deeper spiritual thirst. No one can give us what we already have. They can only help us to dispel the clouds and darkness so that we can see our true nature.

Seriously--I Need An Editor

2009-07-10T15:54:00.000-07:00

(Re-publication 11-13-09 post-edit)

I was just looking over my last blog and there are things I meant to say and words that get dropped and then the meaning gets changed which is kind of funny. And this points to the imperfection of the English word. The best I can do is try to emit a feeling or emotion thru this medium and let loose the flood of my unconsciousness and somehow in the process help people in their process to do the same.
We play the same games all life getting the same results waiting for all of that to change, but we are never willing to put it all on the line and be that change ourselves.
We all need to take a huge leap of faith into the unknown and allow ourselves to peel away the layers and leave ourselves open and vulnerable and just be in this moment and hold that space to the stillness and watch the system crack apart around us.

We say too much for which we don't actually intend to follow thru. We are at a point where the earth is giving us warning signs to awaken to whom we are. Otherwise there won't be much of a world left to awaken to for ourselves and future generations. The choices that we make right now to awaken determines so much for so many. Finding our inner grace has not been so readily available in a long time.
So Maybe you want to delve inside of your own oyster which is you and allow that pearl to reveal itself to the whole world. Here we are just waiting for the facade to fully crack apart and for all of us to be honest with ourselves and then we can start to be honest with our friends, family, and people that we call strangers. Truthfully most of us have been strangers to ourselves for a long time. A long time or a short time and eventually there is no time and we can see that there is no separation except what we perceive in the mind. Let the suffering stop and let the healing happen and may the grace heal us all.

Do You Remember Me

2009-07-09T17:49:00.000-07:00

(Re-publication 11-13-09 post-edit)

In all the world where everything is changing all the time I have noticed wherever I go people want to be remembered, and one of the first questions people will ask me is if I remember them. It is like they are testing me or really testing themselves. Some of them give a response before I have a chance to say anything positive that I couldn't actually remember them. Quite often people's jaws will drop and sometimes I need them to say the right phrase or location and it will all come flooding back to me.
Yet I was thinking how much people want to be remembered, but more importantly people want to be recognized on a level that is much deeper than they realize. People want their spirit to be acknowledge even more than they want their identity validated.
Recognize people's spirit and allow the ego to do what it wants but don't respond to the thrashing and clawing of the ego. Speak to their soul and they will love you forever. Just talk to who they really are because it makes them recognize who they really are beyond this form and name that we often mistakenly take to be all of whom we are.

I'm in A Rothbury State of Mind

2009-06-30T18:13:00.000-07:00

(Re-publication 11-14-09 post-edit)

Yes I am totally aware that I just jacked Billy Joel. I am sure he can pardon me since I am an innocent man and he is a piano man. And because Greyhound has been somewhat replaced by Craigslist. I know you get the jist.

Lets stop saying "I don't know" especially when we know and just don't want to say so.

SO SO SO SO what else but still if my mind is not still I become oh so ill and I stop giving out pills because it breaks our will to change the status quo and there is no status flow but there is the status blow and I am not talking Johnny Depp but we can still go oh so deep and creep till we weep that the chimney man has no chimney and Jiminy Cricket can't afford to be anywhere anymore because he has too many tickets and eats badly so now he has rickets.
But we just need to kick it and yes then perhaps we can lick it, but I am talking about leprosy. We are that change and we are the men and women in the mirror and neverland is not just a ranch but a branch of American soul history like Graceland. But don't worry Dolly we can still give your fair share of lolly pops. Yes they said June 25, 2009 was the day that pop music and one of Charlie's Angels died. And still I cry and we all just need to get a little bit crazy which is alot better then being a whole lot lazy...
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah's give me a map so I can find if they don't really love me like you love me. I can't wait and I can't dance and I can't sing but I can raise myself to the occasion and sometimes I am known to be an emperor of persuasion. We are going to Graceland if Paul Simon and that other guy Marc Cohen won't stop mowing my lawn that has no grass. Because my ass was grass and that song was the lawnmower and now there is no ass to be found but I don't want to be crass but sometimes I swear I think my voice can break glass.
Try Michigan--it worked for Iggie Pop but still they say Pop is dead and we all need to find Right Said Fred. Thread the needle and we can end the H train out of Afghanistan. I am going to Iran if we don't quickly come up with a plan and my man Stan (a.k.a. my dad) needs to get a vegetable oil van.
Okay I admit maybe I take it too far and maybe there is no maybe just yes and no and too many people that say I don't know. Let us grow and know we can all go to Rothbury which is supposedly a spelling mistake and my achy breaky heart broke when Miley tried to mess with my Radiohead because they did not bow to her superstar demands.
I command to help humanity for a one man band and we can make this world amazingly grand but we don't need to make a stand. Instead we just shall be the nothingness until we all feeel estatic bliss.

I Press To Express Divinity Through Dance

2009-06-28T07:55:00.000-07:00

(Re-publication 11-15-09 post-edit)

Since I was a young child I have believed that nothing could affect a mass of people so quickly as my dance moves. Although, there is very little that I do from a technical standpoint that is not relatively easy to imitate.
Yet there is an intensity and devotion that takes place in my dancing that is an expression of everything that I have ever been and everything that I will ever be. This comes out when I am really dancing--when I am really going for broke.
There is something about going for broke that is perhaps one of the sexiest and most foolish things imaginable. It is to be a bridge between this world and the world that remains unseen by most, yet still it dictates everything that happens down here.
I reach such ecstatic states of joy and exhaustion when I dance. There is a deep real love being expressed as if I could just zip out of my body and expand into the cosmos. Every emotion that is welled up inside of me all starts to explode at once and it is a symphony. There are moments in the process where I become completely still and don't move it all.
People will remember me years later from seeing me dance one time at one place for one moment. It was not until I just typed it, that I realized how special that makes it. In many ways I just take that for granted. Some people would also take it for granted. Perhaps it is just merely because I am tall or merely because I am "spazz," but that doesn't really get at it. Nor does it explain the reaction as far as I can tell. I have seen people dance much better than myself, yet there remains something hidden and secretive in their dance and there is not a joy and bliss shared thru the experience.

Just Trying To Make It Back Home

2009-06-24T19:52:00.001-07:00

(Re-publication 11-17-09 post-edit)

"Where is home?" is the question that people either take for granted or for which they give an immediate response. It is usually one to which I find myself always giving a different reply. Recently I find myself wanting to say the Himalayas. In the past I used to say Burning Man, or the same place as everyone else, or wherever I happened to be in that moment.
I keep concentrating on the thought that we are all just beams of light making our way back to the sun/God/divinity/whatever you call or don't call it. I find myself trying to put pieces of the puzzle together, yet there is nothing to put together. Rather it is layers within myself to unravel. There are self defenses to let down, and expectations to drop so that I can experience things exactly as they are, instead of how my mind says they should be.
Sometimes I find myself wanting to be egotistical for the sake of being egotistical--ignoring the truth of who we all are. If other people pretend they are not special long enough, you might actually start to believe their story. And that's all it ever is: a "story" until we drop the story and there is just a beautiful infinite emptiness and oblivion of bliss. People seek to imitate this through sex, drugs, and other sense gratifications and yet it only poorly imitates these things sought.
I can't keep pretending or imitating or duplicating and trying to make sense of infinite with a finite perspective. I have known people in their different phases as they have known me in my different legs of the journey. One day soon someone will be sitting down to edit this, and it will reach millions of people around the world. This is something I have known and it is not because I am such a great writer, but because I offer people a small reminder of their true nature.
Whether Buddha/Christ/Mohammad/Moses/Khrishna/Ala or NO thing at all may all the egos fall and none of us will be small or tall. We are all part of the same cosmic ball.

We are reaching towards a new day and before we get to that point it can sting and be quite painful. However, that can lead to a GROWTH of a new awareness that is more vibrant yet constant so that it becomes the norm, instead of merely a passing feeling.

Brand New Chapter

2009-06-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

(Re-publication 11-20-09 post-edit)

Sometimes you just know a new chapter is about to begin in your life and right before it happens things seem to get extra quiet. Appreciate that silence because you will look back on it longingly later on. We look back on things from the past with deep longing.
This moment is a perfect snapshot for all that is and will ever be, and yet knowing that, we can still strive to find more of what is inside of ourselves.
As each one of us awakens to our life's path it makes it easier for others to do the same. They are presented with more mirrors to show them the way towards their own bliss.
I am back in Ann Arbor, Michigan and recently payed respects to the wife of my former tai-chi-gong master. Still I have no more answers about how he awakened my gift within me.
My spiritual journey grows stronger and on occasion my mind distracts me from the greater task at hand. Yet it continues to lose its power to do so. My focus and concentration grows stronger and my heart opens more, and as the day unfolds more is revealed to me.
I Am finishing an 8-year cycle which represents 'infinite' and an new cycle is beginning. Remember "crazy" people have a way of seeing and speaking about the same things we see and perceive, but we refuse to acknowledge these things because it makes us uncomfortable.
The Himalayas get closer and closer to penetrating the core of American Spirituality. Jesus or Issa's missing time has always held a particular fascination for me. Anyone of us awakening helps all of us to awaken to our true Christ/Buddha nature. We are beings of "Light." Let that permeate thru your entire being.
Sometimes we can see the potential for something down the road, yet we have to deal with the ravine that we have to cross right now. We can have awareness of what awaits us later but we have to bring our immediate attention to the now and it will make things down the road much more special. Nothing is quite as it seems, but this is no reason to be paranoid about such a thing. Your unconditional love is your shield against all that the world can hoist at you.

Be your own best friend and the world will do the same with you. Have patience and perseverance and all shall be rewarded. The journey is long and arduous but the results are more then we can imagine. Keep taking your steps and keep transforming as we create a new day and a new chapter.

Just Go with What feels right for you

2009-06-06T09:05:00.000-07:00

I wonder what exactly makes for a proper education in a world where we are taught to seek outside of ourselves for our validation. Nothing is ever big enough and everything is super sized until you become sick yet we are over eating and are still under nourished. I found myself in Woodstock New York on my way to Burlington Vermont. I recently spent time with a Saint named Amma and not the one who is known for hugging. We all have to find our peace with ourselves and we all have our own way of going about finding this. It is easy not to judge when somebody doesn't judge you, but the greater challenge lies in not judging when somebody judges you. I am not different then anyone in that I seek a greater peace and joy within my own being that is not dependent on circumstances of any kind. I have been greatly benefited and gifted by many people along the way and continue to strive to experience and know the interconnectedness that we all share. I seek to express my emotions, thoughts and sentiments and to realize that I have not fully liberated myself until I no longer look outside of myself for validation that will never be enough for an ego that doesn't want to acknowledge its fleetingness. I always felt there was something more then what I was told. To be a spiritual seeker is to be deemed a Slacker, Lunatic, outcast and prophet and yet you are known and all of these things. I seek the council of those who have found a greater peace and acceptance then myself so that I can be guided back to my natural essence which is true for all of us. I wake up in a different place on a regular basis and each day offers new possibilities if I am open to a new experience that guides me closer to the source that we all come from. We all return from whence we came from and so much of the other stuff is merely a distraction from our true nature which we are told is foolhardy to seek. May we all be so lucky to be so foolhardy.

I heard I've Got a Prayer in Memphis

2009-05-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

I am in NYC and I can feel America and the midwest and the South a the road with all the festival season calling me strongly along with the female saints that come and grace us with their presence. I am not looking for belief or faith I am looking for inner experience. I am not interested so much in speculation and idle chit chat (well a little bit) mostly I am just interested in that inner experience and my glimpses become longer. The only king I desire to know is the one who has conquered all internal conflict. Now we are all pieces of infinite puzzle and we all are finding our way to the right place on the globe but we just have to find that right place inside of ourselves first and foremost. Now is the chance to get right whatever I may have lost sight of. May the blind man start to see once again. Let it rain let it rain and may it wash away all that pain let it rain maybe I shall go to Spain and not just because it rhymes with rain.

Give Me that music

2009-05-19T07:07:00.000-07:00

Music is such a huge part of my journey either I am listening to it making it up or it is just playing inside of my head and my soul. I head bop to music that I hear in my head and sometimes people even join in with me. There is something about sound that has a way of awakening all the different things that exist deeper in our unconscious and super conscious. I am back in New York City, but as they saying goes I left my heart in LA/Portland the past coming back to me and making me deal with a whole bunch of stuff that I thought I had dropped only to find out more clearly how much I carry it around with me. I feel her everywhere I go these days and yet timing is everything and I just need to be patient and focus on my inner work and want I need to be doing which is being of service to those around me. Healing is feeling yet the world seems to discourage us from feeling unpleasant feelings. Now I find myself in SOHO and this pain is prod to remember the divine. I find myself mantra chanting with great urgency and it just overcomes. My being hears these words and something awakens inside of me. I am waking up to the greater love inside of me and it spreading everywhere that I go. I am taking ice cold showers and I still come out of the water warm. I feel that my heart is cracking open more and more and parts of my mind want to resist it. I had a dream involving my healing gift and just allowing it to take me over more and just get out of the way. I can feel that great changes keep happening around me and I am just focusing on being present with the change. We all just need to be present with what we are feeling even if it is uncomfortable.

Certainly I Am Amazed

2009-05-07T08:48:00.000-07:00

At This Moment Anything Can Truly happen and I really do believe that a man or woman can fly without wings just make sure you take off from the ground first (no jumping off rooftops or cliffs). Each person connects to another aspect of ourself and a different series of events are put into motion based on each little choice that we make. I have fear but i do my best to look at them clearly and understand that eventually I will have to leave. All of us are just visitors and may this place be better for our visit. I was recently at Coachella I got to hear Paul himself though I did not see him, but music is about hearing not seeing just ask Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder and they will be able to vouch for that. His voice was incredible and I Enjoyed myself immensely and thought that there is a wave of a new awakening coming that will demonstrate a large social shift and our values and priorities. The bus is moving and all of us are on it in one way shape or for.

Just Give Me a Chance to Audition to Play Myself

2009-05-03T12:04:00.000-07:00

Recently a writer friend of mine was telling me about a screenplay he was working and one of the main characters would be based on me. In his mind he thought James Franco would play me. I found the whole thing quite hysterical the idea the idea that James Franco could play me better then I could play me. I told my friend that I least want a chance to audition to by myself. Even if I don't get the role of me I least want to be able to tell people that I auditioned but James Franco was considered better as the part of me then I would be. I then considered the idea of sending in James Franco as my replacement in certain situations in my life. I thought this could be really interesting since some casting directors decided he was better at playing me then I am. Yet if he Played me would I then end up playing him. Is there really some sort of bizarre challenge in playing yourself in this world where people have a really hard to being themselves. Maybe we all need an actor to come and play us for a while to show us how we could better play ourselves. If you know anything about being a unconscious medium is the spirit comes thru and you are not there for the process. I once heard it being described as going to sleep while the spirit took over. I thought this was a beautiful description. I guess I would go to sleep while James Franco played me for a while. Maybe we all need a break from playing ourselves just to see how somebody else would do it.

More From Coachella

2009-05-02T10:55:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBgF0ssmAvE&feature=related

More From Coachella

2009-05-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBgF0ssmAvE&feature=related

Some New Videos From Coachella 2009

2009-04-26T23:35:00.000-07:00

Compassion Compassion COmpassion

2009-02-13T06:43:00.000-08:00

That is the magic word that will lead us all to the life and world that we want to experience. Let yourself experience all those emotions that you push away when you see something that tugs at your heart. Don't try and ignore it and pretend it is not happening. THe mind wants the solution to be so much more complicated but it is not allowing the mind to get in the way of our compassion. Have your heart on your sleeve and your pants and everything you touch. May your heart be involved in all things. Look at Amma the hugging saint and realize that she is telling us we all have this unconditional love in our being. LEt us not push away our feelings for fear of being seen emotional or not rational. So often I forget what really matters as I pursue trivial things to keep me from feeling a deeper emotion because it almost seems too much to bare. But it is not too much and we all need to stand the rain because it is needed just like the sun. Joy and pain are both meant to be experienced without a fear of losing our joy and without trying to run from our pain. I know we will more often run from these things but if at least we can attempt to be still with what we are feeling. Updating my facebook or flirting with a girl I just met fall short of showing somebody an unconditional love to help them thru their situation. Sometimes being in that stillness and holding a space for them to let go of their pain can work miracles. Bill Gates pointed out recently that more money is spent on baldness then a cure for malaria because rich old guys are more directly affected by baldness then Malaria. When we are faced with such an example of our vanity in the face of other peoples suffering it is hard not too lose faith but compassion towards one human being can transform the whole world. It is not the act of charity but the intention behind that is truly transformative. May your compassion towards others not fail to fall upon yourself. May we all realize the power of forgiveness and if is ability to transform our circumstances.

I am along on this journey going thru the gamet of experiences knowing ultimately I just need to be coming from a place of compassion and that is better then being clever. I get tired of clever people who are so good about not being honest about their emotions and when I mean people i mean myself because of played that role before and I desire to truly stop and just be in a state of absolute surrender without trying to make my life into a game of hungry hippo for my ego because my hippo of an ego never will be satiated.

So Far Away But So Near and No More Fear

2009-02-08T21:07:00.000-08:00

It is not about me its about the spirit or the love that we hold the space for. It is not about my glory but the glory of God and the unconditional love that reigns from the realms of light that we can feel when we can silence the mind. Healing is our feeling and our dealings with the inner truth in the deep recesses that we sometimes refuse to dwell in. I find myself back in different places for different reasons during seasons that my rational mind would never choose. I know that we are all going to have to get back to what was natural becoming natural men and women who are in greater communion with nature. I have always had a kinship with giant trees be they redwoods, oaks, birch, or palm trees. I am reaching deeper into the soil of this earth and reaching into higher dimensions that I act as a vessel for channeling into this world. It is always there it is merely that we have the awareness. We are meant to feel and overwhelming waves of peace and prosperity that we share with all whom are ready to receive these blessings. We all have a great deal of spiritual work to do together.

Now is the time for an era considered fiction by many to return to the forefront. I am a threshold of stepping onto a much bigger stage and may I just hold that space for magic. To remind people of the magic that exists inside of all living beings. It is not a sprint but a marathon that sometimes consists of sprints, walks, skips, leaps, and trots. Sometimes when we are hurting someone will help us carry on until we can continue on our own.

Screw Kellogs CornFlakes and Their Endorsements

2009-02-05T23:19:00.000-08:00

I want to take this moment to say that many potheads probably eat crappy cereal such as Kellogs cornflakes and if they are so committed to a drug free policy why don't they start drug testing their employees for legal and illegal drugs. I know that many Americans would be disappointed if the wonderfully wholesome people at Kellogs (very sarcastic here) did not take a stand against pot. Drinking alchool and being alchoolic is fine but don't smoke pot. What a joke I the hyprocritical nature of such a drug using nation take a stand against Phelps for smoking pot is a giant hoax of a moral high ground that none of these people. I don't take any legal or illegal drugs (with the exception of some cappucino coconut ice cream) and in no way shape or form am I disappointed with this young man smoking pot. Heck in San Francisco it is legal why not condemn super bowls champs for drinking champagne after winning. They are sending such a bad message to young kids everywhere. This stigma on Pot has to got go at least if the people taking a stand against him were not hard drinking pill poppers they might actually have some credibility. I say Phelps lets the growing Pot and Hemp industry sponsor him instead of a highly processed and mildly toxic low grade cereal company.

Healing In Austin Texas

2009-01-29T00:16:00.001-08:00

Videos from the summer

2009-01-29T00:14:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQDOKty6sOI

I wonder how much random footage is out there?

Sometimes To Write Is the Last Thing I want to do

2009-01-24T08:55:00.000-08:00

It is hard for me to conceive that in this virtual world that people are actually reading my blog or that what I am saying in some way helps them with their journey. So maybe this one is more for me. I am at Sundance right now it is my fourth and it is the sort of thing where things come back around from finding a british guy that looks alot like Smiley if got fatter and started drinking heavily again to finding a pair of sunglasses which had I been given at Sundance 5 years ago. I have run into people that I have met from all over here and just reminds me of the all amazing people that come along on the journey just as you need them and not before or after. I have also been locked on the mantra of seeking the creator not the creations. In my case that creation is almost always been women. Somehow I still have a delusion that the right one can wipe away all that pain that I can't seem to drop myself. I continue to get lighter on this journey and help turn other people on to looking inside of themselves. My next stop looks to be LA with an outside shot at Vegas, but at least my mind has no desire for Vegas. I must admit I have a bit of a biased against the place. I am realizing more and more that "success" won't ever bring me what I am looking for. I want to merge with the infinite no longer attached to this world of things but in constant bliss with another realm. I am not sad but rather more determined on my spiritual quest and focusing on bringing more of mental energy to the source called GOD. Be the change and allow myself to receive and find a peace that enlivens my soul.

Looking For Adventure I suggest Couchsurfing and Craigslist

2009-01-15T11:55:00.000-08:00

Many people complain that they are somehow stuck in a box and it is the same thing day in and say out and yet now more then ever there is opportunity for people that are usually prudent respectable citizens who have a hard to have spontaneous adventures to have one. (Of course you could always just call me and pick me up in your car, but I am not always available for spontaneous adventures, but that is still always a possibility). So first off you might have a car and you can put an add on craigslist looking for people to join you on your adventure and you can always meet them for tea and coffee to see if you vibe. Next you go on to www.couchsurfing.com and look for available couches with people who seem interesting to you. These people have references and you get a pretty decent sense of what they will be like by carefully reading their profile. Some of you might want to start more local and perhaps you can just make a sign offering free advice or free hugs or perhaps both. All of us are capable of stepping out of our routine it just takes that first step and suddenly we find ourselves steering a very different course.

Sheep ALiens And Sex That is Taboo

2009-01-10T10:25:00.000-08:00

Recently I was pondering how we love to make jokes about people screwing sheep and the I wonder if Aliens view us as sheep and maybe a few of them in the long ago past visited us and some of them had sex with us viewing us in much the way that we view sheep. I guess there are good Aliens bad aliens and those aliens who screw humans which is our evolutionary concept of people who screw sheep. I hope this thought makes you laugh or smile or think that maybe I have too much time free time on hand. This might very well be the case, but I just wanted to put this thought out there because I like to have a good laugh as much as the next person.

You Can't Always Be Perfect Just regain Your Balance quickly

2009-01-10T10:18:00.000-08:00

I once read from a martial artist that he does in fact lose his balance he merely regains it quicker then most people can perceive. That is some amazing awareness. Sometimes we have to be out and about mingling and sometimes we need to be in the cave regaining our focus remembering what our greatest motivation behind our goals. I have lost balance on countless occasions and I just seem to catch myself more quickly. My mind still wanders and I am still drawn towards things that are not always the best thing for me. i notice that I do stumble less and beating yourself up over it does not make it go away. I have come very far and yet I have only begun. I am ready to bring myself back into the crowds more grounded and more prepared for whatever the world has to throw at me. OFten we need to get out of comfort zone to find out what we are capable of achieving.

I love everyone and anyone who makes strides to go inward and look at the good and bad with even mindedness has my deepest respect and thank you for being a mirror for me and everyone else you come across.

Hey You Want To Start A Revolution?!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-02T09:46:00.000-08:00

It was the simple sentence yelled to me from a beach pier in Long Beach Island, NJ in August 2000 by a young man that I did not know named Smiley. This simple sentence has echoed in my soul and to this day is one of the greatest things that anyone has said to me when first meeting me. My response was "Hell To the Yeah!!!!". That night I was harassed by a cop who threatened to search me for drugs because I had a shirt that said "Legalize Pot". Keep in mind I have never smoked this substance, but hsve always recognized the absurdity in making it illegal. Smiley and I have since gone on numerous adventures and perhaps have almost gotten each other in small and serious trouble and have counseled each other in our Don quioxtish missions in a land where being serious is so important. Smiley and I have always been very serious about our absurdity. I think of all the people in this world right now that are just waiting for someone to come along and say "Hey You wanna start a Revolution?!!!". All of us have that revolution inside of us that is brewing and sometimes it merely takes just a little awareness and one simple action like refusing to sit on the back of the bus to light a blaze to encourage people to take the steps that we have always needed to take. Now is our time to shake ourselves to the core and this country and world will come along with that shaking. We all need a good shaking and with that habits that are holding us back can be dropped. I want to thank everyone that I have met along that is starting their own revolution driven by their heart. Che was once quoted as saying at the risk of being laughed at that waves and waves of love were the greatest revolution of all. So whoever you are sitting wherever you are may I echo this simple sentence at you. May it bounce around in your head and implore your heart to reach out in ways that you have not previously allowed yourself to do. Now is the New Year but beyond it is a new moment and we are the movie of life unfolding and each one of us has the ability to knock people on their ass with a rebel yell that sometimes is just a sound and sometimes an intense waves of silence and calm that causes an inward reflection that keeps people running on their gerbal wheels. It is not your yelling that changes the world but your stillness your quiet riot that screams louder then the loudest siren in a world where silence will trump sound. Its not the words but the deep silence between each word that are infused with a truth that can't be denied.

George Bush Cocaine and the Fugees

2008-12-27T22:07:00.000-08:00

Some of you may have already heard and others of you might be shocked about what I am about to tell you. I hope your sitting (being that you reading my blog I would assume this to be a really safe bet). John Forte from the Fugees had his sentenced commuted by George Bush. I really have no way to explain such an event, similar to how I can't explain why people are so concerned about gay marriage. My theory is that George Bush loves his cocaine as much as the next man in Washington DC and is hoping that the Fugees can come up with a great follow-up album and John Forte brings such a balance to the group dynamic. Heck George Bush probably would have been smuggling 1.2 million worth of Cocaine if the whole pesky white house thing had not sidetracked him. He felt finding Jesus meant that he should destroy the economy and send us to unnecessary war in Afghanistan, Iraq and a few other places that they try not to mention much in your yahoo headlines (which are too busy informing you about the most important current events involving anything to do with Brittany Spears and her extended family and anyone who may have seen her driving barefoot with no underwear while belching her newest hit song "womanizer", and reliving every million dollar photo up she has when she self destructs.). Yet all of this can be forgiven because George Bush is going to save R&B be helping to get John Forte out of prison. Who knew that George Bush indeed does not hate all black people (Kayne west you were wrong how foolish you must feel now please apologize to George. All can be forgiven its all just water over New Orleans) he seems to have a special place for the ones who help to keep the White House white in that way that nasal passages have just as many holes as the levies in New Orleans.

How Do you measure Spiritual Progress

2008-12-27T21:53:00.000-08:00

One of the biggest challenges that I notice on the spiritual journey is how to measure spiritual progress. I have been trained like so many other people to always have neat and easy ways to measure your progress yet involving the most important things in life this can be very challenging and the most significant part is being love and open to this very moment. Yet at sometimes these seem like cliches or things that other people can achieve but we seem to be struggling with not flipping out on some cop or security guard that is making our life more difficult then it need be in a world that already seems to have more obstacles for us to over come everyday. I believe it is important to let go of any incessant need especially the need to try and measure spiritual progress. More then anything it is just a inner knowing which is a difficult thing to convince your rational mind that you have made progress based on some sort of inner knowing. If you can finally let go of this incessant need to measure growth you also have to avoid allowing yourself to be complacent and always keep striving to be the most authentic and honest that you can be. I have continued to be on my spiritual journey in a conscious way for over 7 years. In that time I have felt really close and I felt really far away and I have reached quite a few false summits. Yet each one of those false summits needed to be reached in order that the highest summit can be reached. I must be compassionated yet I must also use wisdom and good discretion and know when to disregard both of these things for the heart. It is a very fine line and that is one of the reasons why there are few saints. Yet I am always reminded by more aware beings who came before me that a saint is merely a sinner that never gave up. As long as we keep striving to be the most authentic we can be the more we can feel ourselves in tune with all the little nuances that lead to a success much greater then they are showing on in the movies or on television. At what point do you have enough of the material and what point are your willing to take your fools leap.

Now is the time and this is the place but can you just sit with that and let that penetrate you deeply and stop reaching for the past or future and harness all of that incredible positive energy that wants to flow freely from your being into this world that has forgotten. May we all awaken may we all remember and may we do this when we decide that we are ready to stop suffering needlessly.

A good wingman knows when to hold and knows when to walk away and knows when to run

2008-12-27T00:46:00.000-08:00

Tonight in Ventura I was my buddy's wingman. I saw that he had an opportunity with a young lady that he had met I also sensed that many people might have also had that opportunity but the same could be said for many men as well. At certain point he was trying to convince me to keep talking to her friend. Her friend liked me but did not like when my eyes roll up and flutter which sometimes happens when I am mediating at the bar. I know what your thinking (Yes I really meditate at the bar) but that's just how I roll so make peace with it. Anyway I don't like be told to stop doing something especially when that is natural so I ended up walking away. While he was talking to me the girl that he was making out with started making out with another guy. Then shortly after that this same girl got in a minor confrontation with another guy (who we are pretty sure that she was making out with later in the evening as we left). Yes all and all this is pretty piontless story that could be on a episode of Cheaters, but I told my buddy that I was out and wanted nothing to do with it. He then went back to make out with her some more and the other girl became distraught and was on the verge of tears because she could not find her friend and she was the only girl not making out with a guy. My friend then decided it was time to get out of there (which of course was encouraged by the fact that this other guy wanted to fight him over feeling threatened. Yet my buddy did not dig her enough to consider fighting for this girl.) which I had done about 20 minutes earlier. If your friends want to make bad choices you don't have to stick around and watch the drama. Sometimes a good wingman or wingwoman just walks away and sometimes even runs away if necessary. Some people are just make bad choices and really are addicted to the drama, but that does not mean that you have to join them for it.

The Mind always Wants to Escape

2008-12-21T23:44:00.000-08:00

Though I have made alot of progress in taming my mind from dominating my life I still find at times that it still has a strong momentum from previous years and yearns to feel superior/inferior and many other emotions that keep me in cycles that keep me repeating the same story lines that stop me from feeling myself fully present and in the zone. Looking to the future is something that can often be a distraction from fully appreciating the present moment even if this moment holds discomfort. I had a recent moment in Dolores Park with a few of my best buddies from Stanford and I felt very appreciative to be there being present with them, but I could feel that subtle momentum of the mind trying to have me trying to chase or obtain something else. We are all these crazy bunnies always seeking carrots that either we or someone else we knows desire. Having the most carrots denotes a certain level of status yet not chasing the carrot within itself is not victory. There has to be an inner experience taking place that far surpasses anything that the outside world can offer. I am yearning to seek the creator beyond all the creations. I move from the mystical to the mechanical just like many people in the modern day western society. I often find people are always projecting that I am sitting there on a throne placing judgment upon them. Yet that does neither myself or them any benefit and I will not allow my mind to head that direction because I merely want to experience that infinite joy that we all experience at to make that experience a perpetual feeling that other people can contribute to but a feeling that nobody can take away. It is our birthright to feel a deep underlying peace at any given moment. There will be pain but we come to understand that everything will come to pass and we are just beams of light currently residing in dense matter that we call the human form. May we never become overly attached to a world that is merely full with temporary pleasures that can never give any of the highest love that we seek to experience.

Experts Aren't All that

2008-12-19T13:43:00.000-08:00

It occurs to me that shrinks in theory should always be the happiest people on the planet being that they studied the human mind to such a great extent and therefore have the knowledge to fix all of their problems. It seems to me also that the United States should never have financial problems because we have experts that know what they are doing. We should never have any military problems because most of our military leaders graduated first in their class at West Point. That doctors should never prescribed medicine that makes people more sick then when they entered the doctor's office. In case you didn't none of what I just said is true. Experts have some value but often they impede us in attempting to go about things in new ways to yield better results and sometimes we know something that the experts don't know and may we be brave enough to go with that. I remember being young and the doctor's trying to prescribe medication for a bad cold I had and I refused very strongly to take for some instinctive reason my parents listening to the expert gave it to me and the reaction was intensely adverse. We should listen to what experts have to say but realize that there are many factors that they can't account for and sometimes the beginner has a fresh way of viewing things that allow for many amazing results.

You Me we were the Pretenders

2008-12-14T14:53:00.000-08:00

We let it all slip away then we awoke. I woke up from a dream last night and I saw my old tai-chi-gong master. I gave him a $20 donation in my dream and he was standing fully upright. It was a small token of my thanks and then suddenly it struck me that he had passed away 3 years ago and therefore I knew none of this was taking place on this current earth realm. I immediatley snapped up from my sleep. He gave to me so greatly and freely at a point in my life where I had no concept of how amazing the gift that I was receiving. An astrologer I once saw India mentioned this significant period in my life and how it was ordained before I was born to be given such an experience. One part of me greatly believes in fate and another also believes in our free will. Somewhere this two things coincide and share the same space some how and may finite mind may never understand this, but it is not necessary for me to grasp such a thing. Last night I saw a young man named Kevin then I went to college with and could see that pain and suffering that is caused when you awaken but you do not fully allow yourself to embrace the realization in the way that you live your every day life. There is nothing here other then the love that I give and share that will cross over with me. The rest is merely smoke and mirrors. Yet I noticed that my friend Kevin had more of a humitlity and humanity that resonated from him more strongly. Once you have already begun the process of waking up you must allow yourself to see it on thru. Your options are suffering more or accepting. Either we accept or we suffer and all of us are justing passing thru all of us are just visitors and nomads with our moments and stages both large and small. The unvierse conspires in way that seem absurd at times to allow these glimpses of divinity to shine thru if we allow ourselves to see it. May I always allow myself to be see it especially when it is not pratical or convient to recognize. No more pretending just being as much as I will allow myself to be.

Remember When Stalkers Used to BE Creepy and Hard WOrking

2008-12-05T10:02:00.000-08:00

It recently occurred to me that because of facebook/myspace that the ancient art of stalking has become something that everyone does now. No longer is it necessary to dig thru the garbage, memorize schedules,dedicate hours of your day talking to and making friends with the person you are stalking. We live in a whole new era where almost everyone on facebook, myspace, and blogs has used this to some degree as a means of stalking and it is completely socially acceptable to do this sort of thing. I have been on occasion stalked thru this means or thru my blog. I have no qualms or problems with this at all. I just think it is really funny that at one point it was considered really uncool or creepy and now everybody's doing it. Heck I would even say it is hip. You can know what someone's mood is where they are and where they are going to be. You can see who they are friends with the friends that you have in common and read their wall posts (which share more information then you could imagine). You can discover if they are single, in a relationship, and my personal favorite "in a relationship but its complicated". It is amazing how technology effects the social norms and dictates that certain behaviors that were socially deviant are now normal. I welcome anyone reading this to feel completely comfortable in knowing that once again we have become the very thing that we judge most. The only difference between stalking of yesterday and today is that it is virtually untraceable now and it takes little or no effort. Everyone has gained easy virtual portals into other people's lives.

Long Live Video It is still killing the writing star!!

2008-12-02T22:38:00.000-08:00

Video Killed the writing star!!!!!

2008-12-01T21:01:00.001-08:00

May I feel the suchness of it all

2008-11-30T20:41:00.000-08:00

This time of year I find that we are all more likely to think about people that we have lost touch with and reach out to them via e-mail or phone call and sometimes it gives us an amazing chance to bury the pains that we are holding onto in our mind and body. I am waking up more and more to the simple fact that one simple moment happens and the direction of our lives can change very quickly. Sometimes perhaps we were headed in that direction all along and other times great efforts can be made to avert emotional and mental suffering. I have been blessed to meet some very incredible people on my journey who have consciously and unconsciously made me aware of things that I need to work on. I often view myself as simple man, but in actuality I still have mind clutter that I am bring more attention to it so that I can allow it to quickly pass and not placing judgment on it. I was recently spending time in the physical presence of Amma allowing me to reconnect with numerous people from different points in my journey. I know that there are many methods to making the mind still, but find Yoga in conjunction with tai-chi/chi-gong and the blessing of saints to be beautiful ways to progress on our spiritual path.

I find my mind in difficult emotional moments looking to find a external distraction so that I won't have to be present with an unpleasant emotion. I try to catch myself more quickly when I do these behaviors. Today I ran into someone at the grocery store in SF who I had seen outside of a coffee shop in Silver Lake and we started talking and when I told her my name she realized that I had hung out with her and her boyfriend in San Diego 3 years ago. I felt that she was familiar when I saw her in LA and in SF I had an opportunity to understand why she was familiar. I have always been fascinated by the web of connection and I do my little part to make people of aware of it by my own awareness of it.

THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD THAT IS NOT CONNECTED and when we realize this things like war will eventually become outdated. May this new year bring in greater awareness and may we all take time to slow down and appreciate the simple amazing things that we take for granted. May we take this time and send blessings to people that enrich our lives currently and from the past. May we allow ourselves to fully value that amazing people that we have in our lives. After seeing Amma and even during I had the thought in my mind that everyone before me has an opportunity to show that unconditional love to all beings who we encounter.

Odd Synchronicity Brings My Awareness to the ways that we are all connected

2008-11-28T13:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I celebrated thanksgiving with a girl who had first spotted me in Cambridge, Mass when we both happened to be visiting at the same time. We then saw each other at Rainbow grocery and she invited me and a few of my friends to celebrate the holidays. With her I met her friend Ashley and confessed to her my instinctual love of Kansas even though I have spent almost no time there at least in this lifetime. Well at the party they had two friends visiting from Kansas specifically Lawrenceville, Kansas which is the spot that I am most drawn to have heard the most about in this past year. She then mentioned Portland which made me think of my good friend Sokhak who passed away about 2 weeks ago in Portland when low tide became high tide and he and a friend had fallen asleep on a rock. I then mentioned my friends name and my other new friend from Israel jumped in excitement because he had spent an amazing day with Sokhak in Dolores Park, but he did not know about the news. I then let him know of Sokhak passing away which I found out from a myspace e-mail that I had received from one of his friend. I initially was confused about what had happened and if this brief two line e-mail was true. After then digging online a bit more I came to find out what had happened. Later in the same week a good friend of mine Stephon had his first son action Jackson and reminded me of this circle of life never ending or beginning. I had recently noticed the headline in Mumbai about a terrorist attack and realized at one point they had at listed at 119 dead. This number has always been significant to me. Since then the number has risen and I was reading an article and found that two members of an organization called the Synchronicity foundation out of Virginia were two of the people murdered. I then remembered a couple years ago meeting a man in NYC who was highly involved in this group. I did a healing on his friend that was quite memorable and he then gave me his card which had this organization written on his card. I do not believe it was the person who died in the attack, but it certainly made me think of him and his organization which is not something that had crossed my mind in sometime. My friend Stephon is from Kentucky, which is the state Edgar Cayce was born in, part of the reason Stephon has been really drawn to Cayce and this helped to stoke my own interest in Cayce. I am not trying to say that any of this means anything in particular other then that we are all connected and tragedies in other parts of the world that don't seem relevant can eventually make there way to the forefront of our lives in ways that we would never expect. It also amazes me how the presence of a person making one comment about a vegan spot In Portland will lead you to discovering that you and another good friend have the same friend in common. We are all interconnected and though it might be hard to follow this it is something that deserves attention. It helps to make the intangible more tangible in a way that we can understand. It inspires me to treat every person that crosses my path from the highest intention that I am capable of doing in each moment

I pity the Fool WHo Steals My SIgn

2008-11-26T13:04:00.001-08:00

I know what your thinking really people actually steal your sign. I guess these hard times where people have lost their faith in humanity they have not lost their faith in signs. Personally I like to believe that they turn the sign into some sort of alter and pray in front of everyday in a desperate but beautiful attempt to make it back to God/SOucre/plug in your favorite word. I have no ill will towards the people not just because thats not my style but because by not having a sign from time to time and now with the short hair I have the experience or the adventure of being as about as normal as I can appear being that I am a bit tall. By the way I still think of myself as medium height. Oh yeah back to the sign I got sidetracked here these people will be haunted down dead or alive and then afterwards when nothing is accomplished I will use this an excuse to have a huge mission accomplished party.

In other news I am so over coherent one message blogs I want to be all over the place and allow you the reader to unify whatever is you want to unify. I love the comments keep them coming makes me feel that I am not alone in space. I wake up one day and sometimes I honestly forget where I am and think it might be the closet I get to actually remembering that everything that I have come to believe as certain is not really certain at all. Hey someone out there reading this I have an idea make a sign that says something that you believe or that just makes you laugh and walk around with it. I promise it will add some spice into your life. Open up to a new adventure take a chance allow yourself to maybe be rejected. SOmetimes we need to get back to Basics and sometimes we need to adapt and sometimes a combo of the two somewhere in the middle of Kansas to find out the madman make alot more sense then our world leaders and you don't have to be famous or a senator to get caught trying to solicit sex in the bathroom and on the other side of the coin we don't have to be famous or a political person to do good deeds. We don't need a press conference/photo up or a whole bunch of cameras. Imagine that you were watching your own life from the outside what do you want to see happen. Make your life more interesting then housewives of Atlanta or the OC or anywhere for that matter. We are the real world and even this is somehow part of the real world. Even this might inspire you to go hitch hiking like a 19 year old named Alec that my friend and I picked up as we drove the scenic route from SF to LA. He read somewhere that people did this sort of thing and it inspired him to do the same. He had a great heart and soul to him and every experience he had was a treasure to him. Bless you and God speed wherever you are Alec and all the Alecs on the winding roads and waterways of this world.

6 foot 7 inch freestyle rapping chi-gong healing couchsurfng jew looking to be bailed out

2008-11-25T21:23:00.000-08:00

I have recently added addsense to my site and the idea that I could buy a meal once every other month as result of my writing makes me smile. These are challenging economic times. I recently had my sign stolen (though I did leave it outside for a few hours) and have noticed that I am spending more then I am making. I have asked my local congress person if they could add one spiritual healing freestyle rapping jew to the economic bailout plan. Since this might take some time and since the psychic did not tell me when I would be getting the book deal and the bank currently won't loan me money based on the psychics prediction and therefore I have opted to allow adds to be posted on my blog. One day I hoped to receive sponsorship similar to the banks, but unfortunately or fortunately I have not defrauded the US taxpayers of billions. In order for the US government to bail you out it appears to me that you must be completely irresponsible, wasteful and commit lots of fraud then they will take pity on you and ask for donations from US citizens in the form of "taxes". Life is funny in the way that it teaches that the truth is one of the most absurd things possible. I would really also like to see the US government bail out single moms, college students with debt, low income people in the hospital and a few others that I feel could use a break a little bit more then bankers and desperate automakers that keep most of their profits in the hands of a few.

Virtual World becomes part of Real World

2008-11-24T07:41:00.001-08:00

It can be a huge self esteem builder in a world of virtual everything but actual nothing. It is as if everyone has become some sort of socially akward gaming nerd who doesn't know how to form sentences or witty sentences unless they have been way too thought out. The paxil, zoloft, and prozac obviously are not working and people want to have more facebook and myspace friends. I will not pretend that I am immune to this I might also have to seek professional help. The notifications are like news feeds from CNN but better I catch myself drooling when I stare at them too long. Just when I am ready to get off line and end my virtual life somebody starts facebook chatting me. After that I obcessively google myself with ever possible spelling possible to find what random people I don't know have written about me. Then I go onto Yahoo to read about 20 year old college students who just want a hug from a Panda because they are so cute. But maybe he was just saving himself the pain and suffering of a virtual life that takes place on youtube where all of your friends can put up videos of your favorite people being trashed out of their minds so that at least one person can be humiliated and then someone's mother can pose as a non-existent 13 year old boy that causes some girl to kill herself. All of sudden the virtual world has entered the actual world and it does have an impact. I read of someone committing suicide online as other people egged them to do so either because they thought it was a joke or because they just don't have any connection to their actual feelings. Only the virtual feelings were guiding them. In conclusion when you read this get up and go out that door and smile and wave at a complete stranger because we could sure as heaven use alot more of that.

Just because they Look Great for cuddling Doesn't Mean they won't hurt you

2008-11-22T09:48:00.000-08:00

I was glimpsing at Yahoo headline which for once did not revolve around Lindsey Lohan and read an article about a 20 year old college student in China who hopped the fence to get a hug from a Panda bear. He was mauled by the Panda bear and is in stable condition now, but he felt that the bear seemed so cute. You would think this would be something that a younger child would do, but not someone who is 20 years old. We as people are so starved for physical affection and love that we would hop a fence in hopes to receive it from a giant Panda bear. He was in awe of the Panda's cuteness and willing to put himself in harms way. It appears the Panda did not feel the same way about him or has issues with physical contact when it involves a different species. I really understand after incidents such as this why people wait hours on line to get a hug from Amma. There really is such a shortage of love that people show each other that some people are willing to risk their lives to receive love from Panda bears in the zoo.

Maybe the Panda really did want an embrace from the student but had his own abandonment issues from his mother and felt that the boy would do the same thing to him. The panda figured he would hurt the boy before the boy could hurt him. Or maybe the better had psychic abilities and realized that by biting him he would save him from the far greater disaster of him trying to hug one of the lions in the zoo. This Panda bear may have very well saved this young man's life. Though I must admit I too find Panda bears to be cute, but I recognize that not everyone that I may find cute wants to be hugged by me. I have made peace with this simple truth of life and I hope this young man can do the same without a resentment towards Panda bears.

Accepting Loss as Gain and Gain as Loss

2008-11-20T07:11:00.000-08:00

Recently I learned via myspace that a good friend of mine had been swept away by waves and drowned. It happened just a couple of days ago. The first feeling was a bit of denial and that it was some sort of joke, but as I dug deeper I realized that this was indeed the truth. It was somewhat startling and I looked back on when we first met and looked back on the last time I saw him which was this year at Burning Man. He was sleeping on a rock with a female friend and low tide became high tide. He was able to save her life, but he was not able to save himself. I was told that my friend had passed and was given no details of any sort. So being that my friend has a very unique name I googled him to find out what had happened. If it was not for the internet it might have taken some time before I received this news perhaps I might not have known until my next visit to Portland. I had spent time on his couch on a few occasions and we had talked about a multitude of things. He was always working on some sort of charity work to improve the lives of people on this planet. He was a beautiful ball of energy and he still remains exactly that. I won't be running into his physical form anywhere on the streets of Portland or Burning Man, but from time to time I will always feel his presence. I wish my friends around me in LA knew this friend of mine so that I could have someone to talk to about his departure from this world. Yet this world was never meant to be permanent and yet this is nothing to be upset about, but rather something to rejoice. My friend Sokhak has graduated onto another realm and can feel me typing away and perhaps even read the words that I am writing. I send my warmest wishes to his family and friends many of whom I never met and smile at his spirit as he looks from beyond this world.

We beat the Dress off of Hilary Clinton

2008-11-18T00:20:00.000-08:00

I know some of you think that I didn't win this presidential campaign, but you are completely off your rocker if you think. Because I am still running and more importantly we outlasted the Clinton campaign machine with almost no money spent and no real effort made. She is still in debt and considering taking a position in Obama's cabinet. We are not even considering taking a position not that he has bothered to ask. Perhaps Obama's staff is mildly bitter that we did not concede and still have not conceded. Victory is ours we will not declare defeat we will be like Apollo in Rocky IV which worked out really good for him. We outlasted Hilary and Bill we are the Champions My friends like a Queen song during a Freddie Mercury marathon when she folded we proudly sang the song "another ones bites the dust and kept going". We can not be held down. When times were tough we said "what would Puff Daddy Do?" Instead of others who might have asked what Jesus would do. We considered being Martyrs and being on that whole cross thing, but Fox news never would have covered so why bother. We shall overcome my friends there will be couchsurfing in the white and we will sell pot to Taliban and get them stoned out of their mind and then we will get them laid and then they will lack motivation to do anything against other then bitch like my mother when I forgot to take out the garbage and or when I did not do my homework.

People absurdity is the greatest force that our campaign has we are fast approaching history and we are gearing up for 2012 and the buzz about our campaign is huge it is bigger then Pee Wees Big Adventure bigger then Johnny Deep on 21 jump street. We have seen the promise land and there is free music festival tickets for everyone. We have lots of people from Canada and Mexico who tried to vote for us and one day we will invade them for their water and workers and watch out democratic party because we will make this country very green.

It won't Turn out How you Imagined

2008-11-01T15:00:00.000-07:00

Whatever is need you to realize your life experience will give you just that and we all keep repeating the same pattern until we see to the core of our pattern and then we are free to release. Whether you believe in karma or not the way of undoing it is to merely to learn the lesson that life is trying to show you. Everyone else around you who is paying attention can see it, but it is always easier to see what someone else needs to do in order to let go of their suffering. For me when I dance I can feel myself letting go and I can feel myself working out on those internal knots and releasing them so that I can have a greater emotional and mental clarity and my body comes along for the ride. Your healing will lead to the healing of everyone around you. And yes will all get caught up and stumble along the way but in this moment we have an opportunity to release things. And maybe things won't look the way we imagined but it is more important that we have deeply touched that peace that resides inside of us.

Last night for Halloween I thought of the humor of dressing in costumes and masks to be more free. I thought the last thing I need is another mask or costume. The last costume I saw was a drunk Irish Catholic Priest with a flask of booze in his Bible that he made himself for the nights festivities. I imagined an actual priest using Halloween as an opportunity to connect with people in a way that removes the imaginary boundary that is created by the costume that they wear.

I am coming to find myself striving to find that deeper source that we all have access to if we just can just slow down and be patient and have a clearly focused mind. Stop all the mental duress and help everyone find their peace by finding our own first.

Open Up And Just Accept

2008-10-31T13:57:00.000-07:00

I am in Chicago thanks to the magic of craigslist rideshare past and present. Sitting here listen to Jamie Lidel. All about silence doing the talking blasting in my ears. I first found Mr. Lidel at Sasquatch and I danced as if a man possessed by the dancing spirits of days past. He reminds me of Little Ritchie meets james Brown meets a British version of Feris Bueler with a touch of Detroit electronic. We live how whole lives and music and people make for the background of our lives and at certain points that background moves to the forefront. Are you enjoying this moment? If not perhaps it is the way you are looking or perhaps you need to be somewhere. By the way when your friends hook-up, date, marry, and or have kids with people that you had something with just smile and let it go because acceptance is a powerful thing that allows us to enjoy this moment for what we have now.

At times I know that this world is nothing that it seems to be I too get caught up in everything that does not mean a hill of beans unless of course you have a mad love affair with beans.

Last night I saw a Israel girl named Shira that I had met on the street a year ago. Often I don't mention people's names but I feel like I am holding back by not mentioning it. I met her on the street a year ago and was intensely drawn to her, but when I saw her she did not seem herself and I could feel all things that she was holding back and it made me anxious until I helped her let go of it. And I could tell that she wanted to drop this heaviness and felt amazing to help her do that in whatever small way that I am capable of as a vessel for change. I met up with another friend of mine Jackie last night. I first met her at a Lalapoolza and then really connected again about a year later in union square park. People that you know from one place pop up in other place and will people different roles depending on what lessons we need to realize. As I arrived in Chicago a woman banged on the car window of the car obviously intensely suffering, but not for the reasons she claimed. She said, "she was 4 months pregnant and bleeding and needed money for a taxi". Something about it felt funny though there was certainly desperation. I told my friend Jackie this story and she had been told the exact same story. The only twist was in my story she told us that she was HIV positive. I assume that she did this so we would be less inclined to give her a ride to the hospital.

I think how much somebody must be suffering to create a story up like that and how torn people must be between what the feel and what they are being told. All of us have to do the best we can in order to make thru the maze of this world and all the different challenges that are thrown at us and sometimes we have decide very quickly. It is important for us to hone our instincts and just listen to that feeling deep within our core and allow it to guide us. I do my best to hear everyday and pray that I make the highest choice for all people involved

Craigslist Changed My Life

2008-10-28T05:50:00.000-07:00

COnstantly I will find myself in one part of this wonderful country and realize that I need to make it somewhere else and I will find a ride on craigslist. I have used this service close to a hundred times and I could probably make a movie just on the craigslist rides that I have taken. It is almost always cheaper and faster then a Greyhound and allows me to connect to one stranger or multiple strangers for a brief snapshot of their life and they get the same with me. I find most of the time that people don't even ask many questions about myself. Maybe they hear my voice and immediately get a good vibe or maybe they just need gas money really badly. Either way I find it humorous how some of thesse same people would not pick up hitchhikers on the side of road, but picking up cyber riders is totally cool. In my case though I will offer my name and tell them to google me facebook, couchsurfing, youtube, and myspace to name a few. I don't do this to show off, but to merely say hey I am decent guy and people will vouch for me. My most recent craigslist will be a roundtrip to Chicago and back. My last Chicago craigslist ride lead to me doing a healing on one of the drivers who was suffering from Siatica (I have no idea how to spell it) which lead to more healings and is now helping to lead to my return to Chicago again and potentially more healing work along with a place that will be crashing at least for a few days. I love helping to connect dots and sometimes I will do this without saying a word. Amma the hugging saint will be back in the United States in another month she brings up such love for me from the core of my being. Look her up online if you don't already know who she is and know that she has had a profound impact on me and certainly encourged me to give more hugs.
love always,
Te'DeVan

Sometimes We All Need To Be Humbled A Bit

2008-10-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

I recently experienced that wicked sting of placing great expectations upon another only to have hit me back pretty hard, but I knew as soon as I got there that we were not quite on the same page and it did not feel bad, but not that amazing feeling that you get when someone is on that same energetic frequency as you are on. The places I go don't matter to me much and wherever I am right now is where I want to be otherwise I would be somewhere else. I think of Plum Village a community created by Thich Nhat Hanh and we need more of these places all over the world. I have thought alot about the idea of children and the importance of sending kids to a school where there is great emotional and spiritual fostering beyond merely making sure they excel academically. Often in school I noticed my grades were of the greatest importance beyond my emotional and physical health.

I have zig-zagged around the country so many times and I never tire of the experience and feel blessed to be offered so many opportunities to travel and see all the amazing people and still I have only begun to touch upon all the incredible places that Int to go. One of my biggest roles is that of the connector helping people come together. Sometimes I feel like I might stop and inexplicable momentum keeps me moving. I do feel that I will eventually create a home base somewhere, but will always be traveling throughout this entire lifetime.

Ages past offer us lessons that would serve us well to pay deep attention to as we enter into the "troubles". That is the term that I have heard a few people bantering around and seems to catch the general feeling of this time period. All of us are here for a purpose beyond just being "successful". We are here to look to touch our truest nature and help others to do the same. I want to thank anyone who has made the attempt and encourage you to continue to make the attempt to look within yourself even if you don't initially uncomfortable. Push past the discomfort and you will eventually touch peace. All of us beneath all the dirt and dust are just light from the sun. Light is our truest nature and allow that truth to come forward in a moment of your greatest suffering. But don't just read it or say it allow into deeply seep into your thoughts and your feelings until you just become this light which you always were, but the this world of illusion helped you to temporarily forget. Now is a time to remember to ease the "troubles".

We are all Connected.

2008-10-22T09:37:00.001-07:00

I love how in life you can look at the present moment and trace it back to a small moment that took place 5 years ago or even longer. How one person who is now your best friend is do to the result of another person that you might have not seen in years or perhaps they have passed away. It never ceases to amaze me, all the intricate webbing that takes place in this world and beyond. You never know when someone will return into your life, but I find often I was thinking about the person and then they will be walking around the corner a couple hours later. We all need to allow ourselves to enjoy these little miracles and be thankful for the daily reminders that they provide in demonstrating that we are all part of the same web.

It All Moves So Fast How Can I Possiblely Document

2008-10-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

I need a camera crew to follow me around about half the time. No not all the time because I would still like some sort of illusion of alone time. OF course when you ususally surf the couch alone time mainly takes place wandering the streets really late or early in the morning. Sometimes I feel that people really want a revolution but usually I feel most people want the iphone a plasma television and to have sex with their favorite celebrity or any celebrity. Our culture looks at celebrities as prophets and maybe some of them are but they need to get out of rehab first. I used to write funny things and then I got really vague and general at least I speculate that is what happened. I was given second hand psychic information that I am getting a book deal. In fact I was thinking I should have a party celebrating what the psychic. He has a good track record. I went to a really long yoga session today. I observed my ego being annoyed that they gave us ruffle potatoe chips I prefer Kettle chips or something on the organic tip. My family is the greatest sitcom that will hopefully being coming to a television set near you. I am going to Philly and I am really excited and being presented with an opportunity to really evolve as a spirit. We are all shifting into different vibrations and friends become lovers and lovers become friends and life's karma never ends until the ego stops and we no longer pretend. I used to date beautiful train wrecks and then I improved and started dating recovering beautiful train wrecks. But maybe that is merely the story of humanity at this point in history. I recently met a man that hardly eats at all and believes in the power of sun gazing and starring at it directly with your eyes for brief periods of time. We don't have time, but we do have now and yes between you me and anyone who reads this "sex with turtles makes me happy". Truthfully it is just the idea of it. I love Jenny Lewis actually I just love the idea of saying that I love Jenny Lewis, but man that song "Portions for foxes". Bring back the focus and screw all the economic hocus pocus.

A little bit deeper and A whole Lot Sweeter

2008-10-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

Afer I write up a blog I have almost no memory of what I wrote and I am shocked when somebody sends the comment back to me in a response and it reminds me that at certain moments I am channeling something beyond then what I have been taught. As each one of us becomes aware of our individual power and unique skills then it makes easier for the next person to do the same thing. Each one of us is capable of reaching new heights that will allow us to see from a higher vantage point with greater clarity.

It is the lack of clarity caused by fear that prevents from having the life that we desire. I have a general feeling that my life will be a long one, but I am more focused on cultivating unconditional love and acceptance and blending gentleness and firmness. Just because you are smart does not mean that you should be cold hearted and just because you are open hearted does not mean that you have to be foolish. I am always fine tuning my balancing and bringing greater awareness to the situation and allowing myself to see things from another persons perspective even if that way of seeing things seems crazy or irrational. Don't expect sane argument to work on an insane person. That makes you a crazy person. Allow yourself to understand how people operate and focus on your individual integrity if you want to feel true to yourself.

Everyone will have something to say about what you did or are doing at any moment. Allow yourself to take actions that feel good in your heart. The deeper I dig the more a find an amazing sweetness of peace that causes me to be desiring less. Yes, I still have desires but their pull on me is weaker and as it weakens it allows me to be more fully present in this moment. THis moment is the dance this moment is a time to form Kevin Bacon's army. We all need to get a little bit footloose. Meaning moving from that place that goes far beyond the mind. I was dancing on the street in the East village and I got called into a resturant bar by a short older Indian man and everyone started to dance. Each one of us is capable of being a catylst for a dance revolution. The spontaneous of life is something that too many of us deny. I am freeing my mind by deepening my breathe.

Special thanks to everyone who responded to my blog from Boston to Bama we are people desiring to better know our true self. For me Autobigraphy of a Yogi has been of great significance.

Revolution is the evolution of humanity and evolution is the manifestation of love.

Tell Me about Your Life

2008-10-01T18:02:00.000-07:00

According something that racks up numbers there are people out there and who knows where that read this blog and I am told so by some tracking system it even tells me from where people are from and how long they were on thsi website, but it doesn't tell me anything else. I would love to just hear a few simple things about you whoever you are and what makes you tick and how and why you check out my site. I have crossed paths with so many different people and try to generally not allow myself to fall into a rut and I am always looking to break habits that no longer serve me.

Where am I exactly and where do we allow our minds to drift off to and at our core we are all the same and yet specially unique, but we all dealing with trying to figure how we fit into this life and what is our purpose on this planet. Some people are told their purpose and might very rarely question such a thing and take it at face value. The troublemakers are the ones who think for themselves, but this is not an easy thing to do. Rampant consumerism that takes place here and many other places doensn't happen because people are thinking for themselves. Most things in moderation is a phrase that I hear quite often, but moderation is something we hear about, but mostly everyone is overly indulgent or extremely rigid and never give themselves any opportunity to indulge in the smallest ways. I do not believe that moderation is a myth, but it rarely happens in this day an age and is to be applauded whenever we witness such a beautiful act of simplicty. The greatest lives are made of beautiful acts of simplicty and perhaps just telling me a few small things about yourself would be amazing. I want to know that you are alive and out there and if you don't want people reading it you can e-mail at tedevanthehealer@yahoo.com.

Many different roads but if we follow our heart it will lead us to the same destination. We all take missteps but we always have an opportunity to go a different way. I am learning to listen to the guidance that I receive in the silence. Now is a time to look wihtin yourself and you will find greater and greater results thru this inner search. We have the ability to transcend what the world appears to be. May our peace spreaad to all corners of this world and beyond.

I want an Alternative everything but lets start with Nightlife

2008-09-28T00:55:00.000-07:00

I desire to be able to dance to 80's music and surrounded by an opportunity to drink tea and drink organic juices late at night until the early morning. I believe that the demand is there to fill a place like this in a major city in the United States. Anyone that reads my blog and is looking to make an investment may I recommend organic/alternative nightlife. It would attract spiritual people and people in recovery programs such as AA and NA it would also be very popular with people that would be curious to check it out. I have a tremendous amount of fun all day long and I love to dance and I would love to be in a cleaner space and I know that I am not the only one. If there was just one place like this anywhere in the United States it would be a wonderful thing.

In other news it appears that we maybe entering a deep recession/depression and I remember actually writing a blog about this in the last year. I am sure I was not the only person that realized this day was coming, but it has finally arrived and in the very near future we will no longer be an economic superpower. All of this war in Iraq and everywhere else has drained our treasury chest and American taxpayers. At moments like this it is very important to intensify any sort of meditative or spiritual practice and start simplifying your life. We all need food, water, and a place to stay and many other things are essential.

I had a few Frat guys threatening to physically move me for dancing on the street to the music that was playing from their frat house. I starting praying and focusing on my breathing and they were somewhat bewildered. One or two of them started yelling at me, but I stayed mostly internally focused. I continue to reach deeper within and have been realizing that if you stay completely calm it makes it very challenging for people to fight you. It stirs up a strange anxiety of sorts and they usually end up feeling very uncomfortable about their behavior.

There are things that I feel and sense that guide me on my journey and sometimes people take this as some sort of slight or offense. It is merely that I have a certain way of doing things that feels right to me and social customs are not that important to me. For instance after I do healing work most of the time I prefer not to shake hands there are of course exceptions to this, but most of the time I prefer not to shake hands. Nothing personal just something that feels strange. Of course I am usually open to hugs instead if bowing seems to impersonal.

New comedy video

2008-09-24T05:30:00.001-07:00

NYC/Brooklyn we see each other only on a part time basis

2008-09-23T19:30:00.000-07:00

I am currently quite content in the Bay these days I guess Oscar Wilde was right when he said something about that everyone who is said to be missing ends up in San Francisco. I keep feeling this drumming of revolution in all sorts of ways and I know that we all know this happening and for many of us it doesn't seem to be happening fast enough. Immediate gratification not fast enough well you just have to learn to accept certain things, but there is so much we can change starting with ourselves. I sometimes can feel myself looking for that distraction to take me away from taming my mind, but I know that my truest peace and ever lasting joy does not exist in what I say or do, but in how I just allow myself to be intensely present and experiencing what is before me. I don't know what 3 months from now holds for me and though I may change greatly on the surface the things that are real about me never change it merely shines thru stronger. At Burning Man I ran into a few folks that had not seen me in a while and they all noted that I seemed more grounded and a deeper calm. This is my greatest quest and opening of my heart to help me overcome a collective mind and society that always wants to place limits on the limitless.

I am looking to help reshape society to natural flow where more people get what they need not what they think they want. I am feeling a greater desire to make people starting with myself and I have been doing just that. Right now the greatest adventure exists in making your mind serve you, but it demands great self control and willingness to accept this moment.

There Is Power that comes in when we let go

2008-09-22T22:20:00.000-07:00

Even though I have let go of a great many things I still find my mind trying to dictate my feelings and my actions in a way that will not bring me the peace that I truly believe is our natural birth right. I can also be honest with myself and reelize that I am overly self obsessed and other times I just allow it to all drop away and I am just naked and I have nothing to say and I am amazingly happy to be in that place. I have been in San Francisco since Burning Man I just got ticket back east to NYC and then will make my way to Chicago, Ann Arbor, Philly, and perhaps montreal depending on feelings that have in the moment. Certainly Ann Arbor has been strongest in my mind as of late. THat is where I first met the tai chi chi-gong master who as I learned thru the grapevine left this realm 3 years ago. I never knew how much he effected until years later. I am going to my family's Yom Kipur and bringing a friend of mine who shall keep me highly entertained. I have always noticed that women seemed really intrigued at the prospect of meeting my family. There are always these places that call to me and it is almost as if they shout to me to come on over. Occasionally on couchsurfing I get e-mailed from people around the world to come and visit them. I don't have the funds to visit all of these people. I hope to be able to travel thru Europe in the near future. I desire to expand my ability to speak more languages. I love being silent in group situations at certain times and it is fascinating how much this seems to cause some people great frustration. I recently discovered jamie Lyndel at Sasquatch and danced so hard even though it was my first time being exposed to it. I have been digging on alot of Elvis as of late and threw a huge dinner party with my old college roommate and my compadre Matt Stoltz and we had lots of laughter and people dancing and performing.

I need to continue to work at clearing out my mind so that I can more clearly see closer to an absolute truth. Unconditional love for myself and everyone else allows a peace to be experienced that uplifts everyone. Sometimes it feels like everything has been said and I want to go months without using any words unless they are foreign words which seem to hold much greater interest for me. THe more people you know in this world the more people will try and talk to you as a way of avoiding themselves. I know that I have subjected people to this at certain points in my life. Mountains are still mountains and trees are still trees.

You Can Not Please Everyone

2008-09-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

We won't be able to make everyone happy, but we can find the things that bring us joy and share with those who desire to experience these things with us. Sometimes I can feel myself mildly wounded or hurt about people's responses to me. Yet we all are just attempting to find our true self and at certain moments we have more clarity and insight then at other moments. Yet I am always respectful of the attempt even if greater treasures are not immediately found.

Hope in Heaven and hell is your state of mind

2008-09-14T18:51:00.000-07:00

I am transversing all different spots thru SF finding my way up and down numerous hills and I truly love these steep climbs and approaching with a fast pace that almost borders on jogging. So often phone conversations can be shortened or done without entirely. There is a gap that is being closed and opened between form and formless and moving from one to another with greater ease. SOmetimes I suffer that ache of gluttony but still it pals in comparison to my desire to be present and make my way deeper into the stillness and surrender that identity. That all troubling identity and that ego that has been beheaded so many times yet keeps coming back for me. Like el Capitan in Yosemite. in the wild there is a taming of the mind to lead to a more clear hearing of the heart. How can I feel more when my mind fears losing itself. It takes four when it used to take one. but the words cut sharper and sharper and that compassion has to expand and stopping merely looking for a way to get off on this Jersey turnpike because you can't handle the smell and you don't have the cash for the toll booth of life. Just walk and keep walking and drop the backpack just a small bag and even if you lose that then let it be. The Vice President has quickly become the president and Kennedy's ghost still haunt this nation and pop songs don't always pop and fades quickly drop and there is a point when we stop pointing and just listen to the wind. A country full of people willing to do anything to avoid intimacy with a stranger. A lonely road of Mcdonalds and truckers with bigger hearts then any of our leaders. In a land not too far away there is a much simpler life where currency is not that important if it even exists at all.

All of Those Raw Feelings And Fast to drop the Past

2008-09-07T17:42:00.000-07:00

I can feel a brand new day and Stevie Wonder playing at Rainbow grocery in SF as I listen to a prophetic singer speak truth to me that brought me to tears while my other friend Max also became a bit misty eyed. Time stopped and great truth was shown. It is time to realize a much greater power that exists inside of my being. I have nothing to fear and nothing that I can not face. There is an immediate feeling that transcends this mundane and there is a dance that is perpetual sundance and dormant powers that exist within an unconditional that makes us aware of our wholeness. DO NO DOUBT that inner voice it is not nonsense voodoo but a perfectly timed dance. I am reaching for a higher point by creating new habits that come from a feeling in the moment.

We all have to allow ourselves to not be held back by fear. We are all hearalding a new day and we don't need to be teaming with anxiety. Lots of exercise and food that serves as medicine. I ran into a another friend of mine at power to the peaceful and he was mentioning that people coming together in large groups was a big part of astrological chart peeking in late spring. I place value on planetary alignments but we have a free will that allows us to go beyond anything.

Feel the sunflower and her subtle smell that feels your nostrils. You are the greatest force that grows as you merge with the creative force.

Back From My 5th Burning Man

2008-09-03T10:25:00.001-07:00

Burning Man Education for 2008. It truly is a wonderous place for many different reasons for many different people. This year was my most relaxed burn ever and it felt almost like a stroll thru a park. 7 nights I slept in 7 different couches and tents around the playa. The life I live in Burning man and outside continue to blur to the point that it is hard to tell the difference with the exception that things move faster at Burning Man. I rode there with a woman who I met at Amma's in Dallas and rode back with some documentary filmmakers from Italy, Columbia and England. I met them on my last day there. We briefly wen to Lake Tahoe for my annual dip in the water and continued on San Francisco. The temple was amazingly beautiful would have loved to seen it stay around or be relocated to someone's property somewhere so that I could hang out and meditate. Things are changing quickly in this world and the internet has interesting way of allowing people to say things that they would never say out loud, but at times they do it merely to make people upset. We are so easily conditioned to respond a certain way when people say certain things. I am working on continuing to respond and not react.

Being present in this moment and receiving the guru's blessing or Darshan is my only plan in the moment. The world moves as we move and I look forward to exploring Europe and other parts of India in 2009. I have no idea where I will end up or how things will unfold, but I can feel that ever seducing pulse and I can handle the critics and just keep pushing on towards that deepest of inner realizations that was always closer at hand because it was buried deep within our hand.

I've got some bags that I need to drop off

2008-08-24T10:29:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have spent most of my life carrying around a whole bunch of bags that I don't need looking for distractions to escape the pain not feeling this moment a good enough high. Yes I can escape temptation but its pull is so strong and for me that pull comes in the form of women and I confuse lust for love. But really I am not confused. And I know that my lust is mixed with love and sometimes I can walk away from them when I realize it, but other times I just want to completely a fully indulge because the not knowing even gets to me from time to time. I want something that is tangible even if it is merely fleeting. Despite my greater knowings I am still delusional which leads to suffering.

The Bus Has Come

2008-08-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

I am in Burlington, Vermont and I have become a member of a group known as the bunny society. We have a 45 foot long bus and will be traveling around to music festivals and college campuses all around this nation following the flow and documenting our adventures. We will be surviving off of money we raise and t-shirts and things of that nature that we will be selling to take care of expenses as we travel along. Our bus will soon be converted to vegetable oil and turned into a giant bunny on the exterior. We desire eventually to add more buses as funds and people are added to the group. We are looking for all sorts of people with different talents to be a part of this adventure. If you are interested check us out on facebook. The Bunny Society or the Bunny Bus. "Ask not what your bunny can do for you but what you can do for your bunny". I am pretty sure John F. Kennedy would have said that if he was still alive today.

I first connected with this group at Rothbury and officially started sleeping on the bus at the Gathering of the Vibes music festival in Bridgeport, CT. We are adding musicians, mystics, merry pranksters, maniacs, mechanics, media people to document this once and a lifetime journey. This is a journey we encourage everyone to create on their own and we will be traveling around helping other groups of people to setup their own buses. I want to thank everyone for being a part of my journey and hopefully you will also be part of the Bunnies journey as well.

It All mErges here and Now

2008-07-23T14:19:00.000-07:00

Adjusting to the present moment instead of talking about the past or dreaming about the future. Be here now and adjusting to those feelings that are coming up and the feeelings have left and maybe they won't ever return, but your natural bliss can not be given or taken by anyone. Cut your hair grow your hair and find that passion that keeps pushing you to a place where feeelings is different then what you have come to understand. Things will change very quickly and we grip tightly to so many things that we have outgrown but now is a chance to make room for the present. Take me out to the ocean and then let me find the bay and make my way to another overseas adventure. Yet the greatest adventure happens with knowing this is the moment that everything happens and this is the moment to base your life upon. Scream be silent or have a silent scream. Darting in a thousand different directions and remember Pablo Escobar was a hoax our government makes tons of money off of drugs and we suffer as people as the money is too much of temptation. There maybe aliens there maybe spirits and there maybe a huge conspiracy yet none of that actually matters. What matters is that you make peace with this moment for everything that is and strive to be alignment with the present. I love you this invisible force that allows karma to be resolved.